Can We Heal Without Hating Our Ex?

Compassion Party For ... OneCompassion Party For ... One

By Patia Braithwaite for

Have you ever been to a passion party? A friend throws a party and a sex toy consultant comes and shows you how to add spice to your sex life. These are generally awkward but funny experiences where you buy something in a fit of ambition that you never use (or that you use all the time). But I digress...

Today, I'm inviting you to a COMPassion party. I'm your expert and I'm hoping to give you some tips and tools that will help you spice up your post-break up life. When we don't have compassion for ourselves and others, we rob ourselves of being fully awake in our lives. So here are a few tips to help us forgive our exes and free our hearts for bigger and better things:

Related: Can We Forgive and Forget?

Letters: Whether it's an angry letter, forgiveness letter, a letter addressed to your ex, or to yourself, letter writing is a powerful way to check in with your feelings. Take a deep breath and let the words flow you will be surprised at what comes out. While we do suggest writing as many letters as you want, we don't suggest that you send them. It's about getting the feelings out of your body and releasing them.

Find a Friend that's like your ex: I once broke up with a guy who was in the throes of addiction. After breaking up with him, I did everything I could to get over it in a "healthy way": I went to Nar-anon, I went to counseling, I meditated, I read "Co-Dependent No More", but one of the most transformative experiences for me was talking to friend who is in recovery. Often, when someone wrongs us, we make them a monster. Whether its addiction, infidelity or just being an asshole, it's hard to hate someone that's human. Seek out a friend who is similar to your ex and (without projecting or defending), listen to their experience and journey. It might help you open your heart.

Make a List (check it twice): Think about the gifts that your ex has given you. The time he taught you how to fly fish. The time she consoled you after a bad day at work. Just because the worst has happened, doesn't mean that you can't savor the good times. Hold on to the good things. It will keep you from hating your ex.

Related: What Can We Learn From Our Failed Relationships?

Meditation, yoga or some other spiritual practice can also be helpful in opening your heart and generating compassion. Whatever works for you - make sure that you do work toward forgiving yourself and your ex. Believe me, holding a grudge only hurts you. So, what can you do to forgive your ex and heal your heart? helps people find happiness in the right relationship. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life,BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.

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Patia Braithwaite is a relationship writer in New York City. For more post-breakup positivity, check out her blog: