Heidi Klum is Making Out with Someone New

Richard Lawson

Heidi KlumHeidi KlumIt's only been a few weeks since the news broke that powerful German Heidi Klum ended her romantic, and professional, relationship with her bodyguard, a seven-foot-tall Hessian terror who could crush a man's skull with one hand. But Frau Klum has already moved on, as swiftly and efficiently as a finely crafted automobile. And to whom has she moved? Well, a real humdinger of a fella. His name? Vito Schnabel. His occupation? Son of artist Julian Schnabel. Wait, ha, no, no, that's his occupation, what a silly thing to say, your job can't be being a rich and famous person's son. That would be ridiculous! This is America. Everyone has to earn their keep. No, Julian Schnabel's occupation is art dealer. He's a 27-year-old art dealer. And he's a very successful one! Continuing his family's art world legacy, that one.

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And he's been a fella about town for some time now. He used to date Demi Moore not too long ago, and now he's been seen out canoodling with Klum. The two were spotted at the Bootsy Bellows nightclub in Los Angeles over the weekend, doing such things as making out. Yes, making out! German empresses and art royalty scions do in fact do things as quotidian as making out. That is perhaps the one thing that goddesses from the Rhineland and precocious sons of American nobility have in common with your everyday teen. They make out! Everyone makes out! But, of course, we don't know for sure that the two are dating-dating. They might have just been kissing. I mean, shouldn't we apply the same standard to these strange, wealthy adults that we do to today's teens? Making out does not mean that two teens are dating, so it shouldn't mean that Heidi Klum and Julian Schnabel are dating. Maybe they were just bored. Or maybe they'd been dared to.

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Whatever the reason, they were in fact making out, so unfortunately for the bodyguard, that probably means he's out of the picture for good. Don't worry about Demi Moore, though. She's moved on to another young man, with whom she presumably makes out. Like I said, everyone makes out. Your parents made out, if they don't currently make out. You probably make out. And Julian Schnabel and Heidi Klum, the artist-aristocrat and his patroness from Rheinisch-Bergischer Kreis, they definitely make out.

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