Help! I'm In a Sex Rut!

After being told no three nights in a row, I finally asked Rex what was up... with him not being up.

Note #1:Don't ask if you don't really want to hear the answer.... especially if your husband is a straight shooter like Rex. At the same time, be grateful for a sincere response. It means his compliments are also genuine.

Note #2: Some of you might find my "suck it up" attitude to be too "submissive". I'll raise you "one wifely sell-out" for "I'm finally growing up and really want to hear what my husband has to say, not what he thinks I want to hear because that's how we'll get closer."

And now.... the rest of the story.

Me: "Any reason we're not having sex?"

Him: "I'm just not in the mood."

Me: "Want to tell me why?"

Him: "Only if the conversation won't last hours. I have to be up at four."

That is when I bit my tongue so hard it almost bled. After all, most nights he'd swim across shark infested oceans for a poke, even if it meant waking three hours later.

I smiled.

Me: "Hey, if we're not going to have sex, at the least the conversation can be quickie."

Rex continued, intertwining my fingers in his.

Rex: "It's just that.... we get on this roll where we do it three nights in a row, and then we don't do it for three or four nights. I get my hopes all up... I'm in this rhythm... and then you change it all up."

What I wanted to say was, "You're complaining about getting sex three nights a week?" What I said instead was... "Hmmmmph." Then I added, only because I couldn't contain myself, "You're complaining about getting sex three nights a week?"

He went on: "I guess it just feels like we're in a rut. We always do it the same way. It's always in the same spot. It feels like you've found your happy place and that's it. After ten years, I was hoping for something a bit different."

I was quiet. For once, I had nothing to say. I was incredulous.

Rex: "I know that you aren't as adventurous as I am, so I don't want to push it. But at the same time, I'm occasionally not motivated."

Me: "Would hookers and a live porn scene wet your appetite?" I shouted. (Okay, I didn't. But I wanted to.)

Rex: "I don't want you to not be you, Love. You know that. We'll find a happy medium."

Me: "I know," I responded. I kissed him and lay back down.

So... any suggestions? I'll give you my game plan on Saturday. One thing for certain is that nothing's happening tonight. It's my Mother's Day night off. I'm spending a 24 hours in a hotel while Rex is on child duty. Am I grateful for this? Heck yes! And I want to thank him. In a non-routine, non-rut, but still true to who I am kind of way. A bull whip and a busty cowgirl costume? Not my style. (Not that he wants that anyway. Mooooo........ and good night.)


Posted by Andrea Frazer

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