What His Holiday Gifting Style Really Means

"It's the thought that counts" doesn't always feel true when you receive a present you didn't, er, expect. But you might be surprised by your husband's good intentions. By Cathy Garrard, REDBOOK.


A cooking class
What it doesn't mean: He thinks your skills are lacking.
What it does mean: He wants to nurture your creative side.
Perhaps he's seen you whip up new concoctions in your high-speed blender or slow-cooker and suspects you'd thrive with a little more know-how. "He could be envisioning how to prepare interesting, desirable new meals for the two of you or for your entire family to enjoy together," says Jane Greer, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in New York City.

A gift card
What it doesn't mean:
He put no thought into it.
What it does mean: He wants you to like your present.
Sure, it can seem impersonal, but it does give you the chance to pick out exactly that handbag you've had your eye on for months. And if it truly irks you that he didn't personalize your gift, make sure you hand him a suggestions list next year, says Heckler. That way, he knows he won't disappoint you.

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A gym membership
What it doesn't mean:
He thinks you're fat.
What it does mean: He's been listening to you.
Perhaps your chatter about struggling to zip your jeans and feeling constantly lethargic isn't just background noise after all. A gym membership could be the incentive you need to kick-start what you already know you want to be doing. "If he hears you constantly talking about needing to lose weight, he might see the gym as the fastest way for you to get to your desired goal--try not to take it personally, because he isn't," says Rev. Christopher L. Smith, a marriage and family counselor in New York City.

A two-sizes-too-small sweater
What it doesn't mean:
He doesn't pay attention to what you look like.
What it does mean: He thinks you're tinier than you actually are.
If your guy believes you're a size small instead of a large, why not go with it? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," says Greer. "If he sees you as more petite, that's not necessarily a bad thing." Plus, it's a great reminder that your husband doesn't fixate on your flaws the way you do.

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A vacuum cleaner
What it doesn't mean:
He considers you a lousy housekeeper.
What it does mean: He wants to simplify your life.
Gifting your wife a home appliance is a sitcom cliché, but perhaps you should give the joke a new punch line. It really may be time for an upgrade, and while he isn't exactly helping, he thinks he is. "He's probably trying to lend a hand helping with the burden of maintaining the household, which is actually the opposite of what you might be offended by," says Greer.

Sexy lingerie
What it doesn't mean: He's unsatisfied with your sex life.
What it does mean: He wants you.
How you respond to getting skivvies as a gift really depends on the state of your romantic relationship at that moment. "If your sex life is active and good, receiving lingerie is usually a positive experience," says Heckler. "If it's not, it can feel like pressure." But if your bedroom experiences have reached a point where a teddy truly upsets you, it may be a sign that it's time to talk things out, either as a couple or with the help of a counselor.

Something cute from the dollar store
What it doesn't mean:
He's cheap.
What it does mean: He's in tune with your financial situation.
Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend when you have to go deep into debt to wear them. A token gift that's symbolic of a memory or laugh the two of you shared--and that won't cause pain down the line--can actually be a much better and more personal choice. "It takes energy and creativity to find a meaningful gift without spending a lot of money," says Smith.

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An Xbox
What it doesn't mean: He wanted one for himself.
What it does mean: He wants the family to play together.
It's easy to jump to the conclusion that he stood in line for a gaming system so he could tune out the household drama and play "Call of Duty" all night, but there are plenty of interactive multiplayer games that can keep your whole brood gathered in the living room, rather than swiping on your phones in distant corners of the house.

Tires for your car
What it doesn't mean:
He's not romantic.
What it does mean: He loves you.
Sometimes practical gifts are the best indication of how much someone cares. Perhaps your husband's terrified you're going to get in an accident with the four kids you've been carpooling forever, and wants to put that thought right out of his head. "It's actually a very thoughtful gift," says Heckler.


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