Honesty: The #1 Rule of Dating

by Tasha Dimling, genConncet Relationship Expert


Have you ever pretended to be something you are not in order to attract someone? Are you pretending you love jogging in order to date a marathon runner? Are you overcompensating by being artificially sweet? Even the smallest fibs that seem harmless at first, such as acting like you love football, will come back and bite you.

If you are pretending, you will get caught. Projection is: Whatever the truth is on the inside is being broadcast out to the world, whether you like it or not. Many of my clients have told me that they've played dumb for a man. Why? Highly successful women dating someone who may not be as accomplished, sometimes fear that their achievements could come across intimidating. Don't devalue your success or intelligence. Your date will be more insulted that you felt the need to do so.

Opposites attract. Don't worry if you don't like all the same things. Your relationship is not doomed. I chatted with a man on the gondola in Aspen, C.O. the other day. He said he's madly in love with his wife of 18 years, and the only activity they have in common is ... what they do in bed!

Send authentic signals. When I first moved to Aspen, I pretended I loved to ski as an attempt to attract men. I spent thousands of dollars on ski lessons, trying to force a self-fulfilling prophecy. Turns out, I didn't need to. My dates, all of whom were phenomenal skiers, accepted and adored the fact that I wasn't great at the sport but fun to be around.

The last time you went out, or flirted on Facebook, what signals did you send? Did you tell any white lies to get a guy? Being the real you is respectful. Even if you're shy, you can be real without exposing too much of yourself. An easy response to a question you're not ready to answer is, "Why do you want to know?".

Don't trick him to attract him. If you're seeking a committed relationship, don't send signals that you're simply looking for a casual hookup with no strings attached. Both of you will get hurt in the end.

Be upfront with what you really want. You are a beautiful, unique woman worthy of the kind of love you desire. If you only want great sex, great! Don't be afraid to express that. It's not about being something you are not in order to attract someone; it's about being the real you to attract Mr. Right. Celebrate your eccentricities-your amazing and quirky character traits, how intelligent you are, your wacky sense of humor, your attention to detail!

More Relationship Advice:
Stop Preparing for Marriage ... And You Will Get Married

Is Your Partner Faking It? (VIDEO)

How to Avoid a Couples Fight

What Would You Do: If You Saw a Friend's Significant Other Cheating? (POLL)

  • Are you pretending to be someone you're not in order to attract someone?

  • What are your favorite eccentric qualities about you? Why do they make you fabulous?

  • What do you really want your love life to look like?

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