How Do You Get Over 'The One Who Got Away'?

By GalTimer Shannon Abrahamson

After 9 years, I'm still in love with the one I let get away, or rather the one I left. I've been in four serious relationships in my life and never have I felt even a portion of the love I have for this man. We were together for 8 years and broke up about a year and a half ago because I wanted to live together and get married and have kids and felt that it wasn't ever going to happen. It's been about a year and a half since we split and I find myself wondering ....did I make a mistake?... almost everyday since the day I ended it.

At times I feel lost ... and wonder if I will ever feel complete again. I have dated since, but just can't seem to get my heart to move on. When things start to get serious I find myself thinking how much I wish it was him... always ending in the realization that I can't give my heart to someone else because its still in love with him.

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Here are the 4 things that DON'T work when trying to get over the one you love:

1. Staying Busy ...

Working, going out, time with family, working out ...pretty much anything I could do to not sit home and think about it. This worked temporarily, but no long term effect. In the end I still thought about him with everything I did.

2. Dating...

Obviously really hard at first, but with time I really thought maybe I would find someone that it would feel right with and I would fall in love and have my happily ever after... didn't really work out that way. Spending time with a great guy that wanted all the things I did and logically the perfect match just made me think how much I wished it was my ex that I was with-- how much I missed him and how we just "fit " with each other. Needless to say, I would part ways feeling even more lost and wondering if I would ever be able to imagine a life with someone else.

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3. Pretending I Was Fine...

If anything this made me feel more alone....the whole "fake it 'til you make it" idea. I would tell everyone I was fine and it was for the best and I'm happier this way. Putting up the "I'm fine, everything is great" front was not a good idea for a few reasons. First, no one really knew how much I was hurting and, therefore, I didn't have anyone to confide in or talk to when it was a rough day. Second, because everyone thought I was fine they didn't hold back the questions: How is he? What is he up to? Nor did it hold them back from saying they missed him and how great he was and they wished we were still together... Every time I hear that my heart reels with pain, but all I can do is smile and agree that he is a great guy.

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4. Staying Close Friends...

Naturally, it was hard to fully let go since we were sooo in love. At first, it was reasuring that maybe one day we would work it out and find our way back to each other. Then it was comforting to feel like he was still a part of my life after all those years together. But it is extremly hard on your heart to stay best friends with the man you're in love with, but not with. Hearing him say he still loved me and missed me felt great at first ...but heartbreaking in the end... once again making me feel even more lost and wondering if that's how we both feel ....then why are we apart?

In the end, I still am lost in love, I guess...trying and learning everyday. Still unable to move on and in the back of my mind wondering if I made the biggest mistake of my life? And even worse, not knowing if it's a mistake I'll ever be able to fix.

Do you have any similar stories in your past? What did you do? Any regrets?

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