How Do You Stop Someone From Making a Huge Mistake?
By Dr Paul Hokemeyer, Marriage and Family Therapist, forGalTime.com
Question: How do you help someone, a good friend, from making a BIG mistake? She's with the wrong guy. He's toxic, but she won't listen to you no matter what. Should I just be there to pick up the pieces?
Answer: Dear Compassionate One,
Sounds like you're an amazing friend- to others. I wonder, however, how good a friend you are to yourself. When we find ourselves overly concerned with other people's lives and the choices they make we can also find ourselves neglecting our own well being. Being compassionate and concerned is one thing. Being concerned with fixing someone else is another.
Related: Would You Expose a Cheating Friend?
Although it sounds like you have a good perspective on the situation, I think it's important to raise the issue of co-dependency here and let you decide where you fall on the co-dependent spectrum. In short, a co-dependent person is one who becomes so obsessed with fixing and rescuing others that they lose themselves or become defined by the value they add to other people's lives. While I feel the term is definitely overused, I also see an enormous amount of pain and suffering when people try to control and fix people who have no interest in being controlled or fixed.
Related: Is It Ever OK To Date a Friend's Ex?
Healthy relationships require a give and take. They require us to be supportive of each others' journeys, to speak our truths and to honor and respect who we are as individuals. And while there is an element of co-dependency in all relationships, the one's that consistently cause us pain are the ones we need to be most diligent about changing. So yes, continue to speak your truth, love your friend, but also love yourself enough to let go of the outcome. Love on, Dr Paul
Have you ever wanted to scream to help save a friend who wouldn't listen?
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