How To Be Sexy

I have always been fascinated by how different we women all are. And amazingly, short or tall, skinny or fat, pretty or plain, each woman has something that men are drawn to. I've always believed that looks didn't have a lot to do with it. Sure they help, but believe it or not that is not necessarily sexy to every man.

I've asked David M. Matthews to join me so that we might compare how similar (or different) the male and female viewpoints on this topic actually are. In case you haven't met David, or had a chance to read his "A Male's Perspective" column or read his bookEvery Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think, here is a chance to get into the mind of a man and see what he thinks.

Is being confident an important part of a woman being sexy?

My Take:

Yes. Confidence is what attracts a "normal" man beyond the physical characteristics. Men are attracted to women who are not afraid to talk about their goals, dreams and aspirations. In my opinion a woman who is poised, intelligent and has something to say, intrigues men.

David's Take:

Don't be afraid to exude a confident manner. You know how sexy you find confidence in a man. Well, a confident woman who is obviously comfortable in her own skin can be a real turn-on for the right guy.

How important is appearance?

My Take:

If you don't feel attractive it will be apparent through your actions. Use what you have, and dress it up, but don't go overboard and don't wear anything to flashy or too open. Less is more.

David's Take:

I've got a lot to say on this one. Since men are very visually oriented, how a woman looks is usually the first thing that arouses his sexual interest. And while there is no one particular look that all men find appealing, there are a few things that guys generally agree cause a tingling in their loins.

And what are these visual "cues" that cause men to practically drool as they gaze in your direction? First and foremost, you must look like a woman. Show off your shape. Don't hide it under layers of shapeless, baggy clothing, no matter how stylish or chic. We want to see your womanly form - that's sexy to us. It doesn't matter if you don't fit the mold of what the fashion magazines say is the perfect bod. Those publications are generally not written by straight men, so they're woefully ill-equipped to make any assessment of what gets your average guy hot. Even if you're sporting a few extra pounds, the additional fleshiness simply gives you more curves…and we love curves - because generally we don't have them (beer bellies and love handles aside). So let us see 'em.

Don't be afraid to show off any and all of your best physical features. Show some cleavage (guys are nuts about boobs, as if you didn't already know that), the more the better, regardless of how bountiful your endowment. With today's wonderfully-engineered, cleavage-enhancing bras, any woman can now draw admiring attention to this popular male point-of-interest. And if you've got great legs, wear the shortest skirt you can stomach, and the tallest heals you can walk in without doing a pratfall. If you've got a bitchin' butt, he should see it straining against some snug-fitting jeans. Nice, tight tummy? Flaunt it in his face. And unclip your hair and let it fall luxuriously to your shoulders (or beyond). A swept-up 'do may be "elegant" and "sophisticated," but flowing tresses are "hot." The key here is to take pride in your femininity - that which makes you appear to be most unlike us in our eyes. Because the more you look like a woman, the more appealing you are to a man.

Is there a particular attitude a woman can project that a man will find sexy?

My Take:

Be mysterious. Don't feel compelled to tell him your "whole story" on your first date, or the second, for that matter. Don't share your intimate secrets - the less he knows about you the more mysterious you are to him. Be flirtatious, but at the same time shy and discreet. And be positive. No one wants to be around negative people. If you are upbeat, happy and cheerful, every man and woman will want to be your friend.

David's Take:

Do you want to positively ooze an irresistible sexiness? Then smile. Showing off your "pearly-whites" lights up your whole face and makes you seem more approachable. And "approachable" is sexy. Also maintain eye-contact with the man with whom you're conversing. It indicates your interest. And if you're interested, chances are good, so are we. And being upbeat and cheerful is far more attractive to most men than sullen and sarcastic. Your clever put-downs may make us laugh, but we may shy away from getting involved with you to avoid inevitably being on the other end of your venomous barbs.

Is there anything else that might raise my level on the "sexy meter?"

My Take:

Don't always be available. Yes, dating has changed, and yes, men have changed, BUT, that doesn't mean we have to go with the flow. There are still men out there that do not text but call, pay the bill when taking you on a date without expecting you to pay your half, and court you just like your mother wanted you to be courted. Don't settle for less. Remember, sexy is not about long legs, silky hair and a pretty face. It's about your inner beauty and your ability to deliver yourself. Love yourself and believe in yourself, and watch those men turn their heads and ask for your number.

David's Take:

Like women, men are affected either positively or negatively by smells (though guys generally have a less highly-tuned olfactory sense). Wearing a not-too-overpowering, contemporary fragrance can make a definite, sexy impression on him. But be careful which scent you choose. Avoid any perfume that some would call classic (spelled "dated"). Smell is the sense that is most-closely connected to memory, so if you douse yourself in something that reminds him of his mother, or worse, his grandmother, your aroma may have exactly the opposite of the desired effect. And finally, go light on the jewelry. Whether it's real or costume (like we'd know the difference), when a guy sees a woman dripping in bling, he will often make the assumption (rightly or wrongly) that she might be a wee bit high-maintenance. And no matter what you've heard, most guys don't find that a particularly sexy attribute.

So there you have both female and male perspectives on what makes a woman sexy. And while hardly the definitive say-so on the matter, it does make for interesting "food-for-thought." So…what do you think?