If a Break Leads to a Break-UP, Why Break?
By Erica Conte, BounceBack.com Editorial Staff
Sometimes in relationships there comes a point where one or both partners need some breathing room... also known as a break.
A break is tricky because it can either bring the partnership closer or cause it to unravel completely. This grey area in dating generally occurs when one or both partners feel they need to reassess the relationship, and the reasons for reassessing a relationship are endless. Perhaps the spark is gone, but you're not completely ready to call it quits just yet, or maybe you've been fighting too much and need time to remind you and your partner that you respect and appreciate one another.
All reasons for taking a break in a relationship are valid, but it seems that a break often ends up serving as the final step before a break-up. If it's true that breaks inevitably lead to Splitsville, then why do we put ourselves through this?
From a hopeful standpoint, a break is a way of giving the relationship a chance to improve for the better. From a realistic standpoint, a break represents holding onto something that's no longer there, but you're not ready for the official break-up. No matter what, this point in a relationship is difficult, but taking a break may be the right move at the time.
To fully understand the pros and cons of taking a break, we've conducted a list of the harsh realities as well as the benefits of breaking:
When a break can lead to breaking up:
1. The break was one-sided
When the wanting of a break is one-sided, the partner who asked for the break either takes it or walks away. One-sided breaks are so unsuccessful because you and your partner are not on the same page about your relationship. A one-sided break displays that there is a lack of communication and a connection in the partnership, which cannot be mended by spending even more time apart.
2. You have unrealistic expectations about what a break means
Often times, couples choose to take a break in hopes their issues will magically melt away from taking time apart. In this case, a break serves as a band-aid that will eventually peel off and the issue will still remain, even after the break. Expecting issues to be resolved from taking a break demonstrates an inability to communicate and own up to your actions.
3. You can envision yourself without your partner
The phrase, "distance makes the heart grow fonder" does not affect you. The distance instead makes you realize that you are comfortable without your partner. A sad but true reality is that breaks can serve as a "pretend" break-up where you get a taste of what being apart feels like, and this pretend break-up generally becomes an official one.
When a break can help the relationship:
1. The break was a mutual decision
When both partners are mutually unhappy or unsatisfied, the mutual decision take time apart is a mature one. The fact that you both are on the same page immediately gives the relationship potential to improve. With a mutually-decided break, both partners must communicate openly with each other about what a break means to them in order to set boundaries.
2. You miss your relationship for the right reasons
Yes, there is a difference between missing your relationship for the right and wrong reasons. If you miss the idea of having a relationship rather than missing actually being in one, then your break will lead to a break-up. If you miss everything about your relationship, even the unglamorous parts, then you have learned that a break can help remind you what love is again.
3. You are honest about what you both want
One of the many reasons why breaks lead to breaking up is because there is a lack of honesty as to why breaks happen in the first place. By being honest with your partner about what is not working and why, you can clarify the break, which gives the relationship hope. Similar to a mutually-decided break, honesty requires communication (no matter how difficult) because both partners deserve to know how the other feels. Whether you lost the spark or feel smothered, the sooner you reveal this truth to your partner, the sooner the relationship has potential to be on the right track again.
Have you ever taken a break in a relationship? Did it lead to a break-up or did it in fact help your relationship? What other advice would you give that can help or break a relationship?
Erica Conte is a recent graduate of Ithaca College where she studied English and Journalism. Erica resides in New Jersey and enjoys traveling, theatre, the ocean, and any book by David Sedaris.
BounceBack.com helps people find happiness after heartbreak. Like us on Facebook.
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