If he's already getting a divorce, is it okay to date him?
Is it ever okay to begin a relationship with a man who is "in the process" of getting a divorce?
This is a tricky one. Many years ago my sister stopped seeing a man she'd dated for only a few weeks because his divorce was not yet final, and she felt that was crossing the line. It turned out to be something she now somewhat regrets because he was an intelligent, handsome, financially stable man, who went on to date and become engaged to another woman he met shortly thereafter. Although I understood where she was coming from morally, I still felt as though she was being way too uptight and rigid about the whole thing. I'm not so sure I still feel that way now.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that one thing which bothers me about Cindy McCain is that she was, indeed, the other woman. Regardless of how troubled John's first marriage was, he was, in fact, still married when he began seeing Cindy. Whenever I see her on television, regardless of my political opinions, I cannot seem to get past the fact that she was the other woman, who went on to marry a man with whom she had an affair. Call me shallow or old fashioned, but I find it difficult to respect her, or envision her as First Lady, knowing she was a party to an affair which may have ended a marriage. Now, most recently, there's Barbara Walters and CBS correspondent Lara Logan. I don't know if the married men with whom they had affairs were in the process of getting divorces when they began dating, or if the marriages simply ended on their own, but either way, I find it troubling.
My current 40 year old perspective is that it is necessary to allow one relationship to end before beginning a new one. In my opinion, a marriage ends when the divorce is final and the parties are free to marry again. Many people believe a relationship may be deemed over when the parties are physically or emotionally separated, while others feel that if a marriage is already in trouble, it is okay to began dating the man...after all, since he's going to date other women anyway, why not be one of them?
I am interested in hearing others perspectives on this; in terms of when a marriage is truly over and at what point is it okay to began a new relationship.
Danine Manette
http://www.ultimatebetrayal.com
