If You Dump Someone, Are You Allowed to Feel Heartbroken?

By Morgan Vines, BounceBack Editorial Staff

Breaking up is hard to do, but who is it harder on?

The person being dumped suffers the obvious shock, sadness and anger that come with this news, but they also have no choice other than to move on and bounce back from the blow. The person doing the dumping has to make a (most likely) permanent decision, weighing strong feelings against logic. They may even end up questioning their choice long after the breakup. So is it fair to paint this party as evil and overlook their pain?

Of course, just like in a criminal trial there are aggravating circumstances to a relationship breakup. If your partner sends you a "get lost" text while they've got their arms around someone new, then they give up their right to any sadness or regret. (Remember this if they try to come crawling back.) But other than these most evil of cases, it can actually be therapeutic to slip inside the mind of someone contemplating a breakup.

It's easy to wrap yourself up in a relationship, forgetting the outside world so quickly that when you look back you don't know how everyone else disappeared. So naturally, when doubt creeps in we try to ignore it because we want to hold on to this relationship that has become everything to us. If you're in a toxic relationship or one in which your wants just don't line up anymore, it can be nearly impossible to clear your head enough to recognize it. And once you can see straight, it takes courage to face the facts and make the decision to move on with your life.

Not only does the dumper face the possibility of regret, but they also incur the guilt of breaking the heart of someone they used to or even still do love. Unless you're ruthless and thrive on hurting others, delivering this news to your partner is not a glitzy Saturday night out. No matter what any expert tries to advise, there's no way to "let them down easy". Sometimes the crying, begging and pleading that "things will be different this time" are just too hard to resist. Just like the one getting dumped, the person ending it also has to face being alone again. This can send such a shock to the system that it's easy to confuse loneliness with the desire to get back together with your ex. Then people end up staying together without really having the capability to make each other happy, perpetuating the cycle of misery that causes couples to hate each other.

Regardless of how long the relationship lasted, both parties will feel sadness to some extent over its loss. You shared happy memories which are painful to erase.

There's one cliché piece of wisdom that's easier said than absorbed, but is actually true for both parties involved. It doesn't benefit anyone to stay with someone when the feelings have faded or a disagreement over values leaves you thinking twice.

Do you think the person who initiates a relationship breakup is allowed to feel heartbroken?

Morgan Vines is a writer with a background in television production.

BounceBack is helping people find happiness after heartbreak from a relationship breakup or divorce. It's a place to tell your story, get advice from experts, and share what you've learned with others in similar situations. Heartbreaks happen to everyone. And we believe everyone has the potential to bounce back to life and move forward. www.bounceback.com

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