Is Faking It Ever Okay? (This Guy Says Yes)

by Aaron Traister, REDBOOK

The other week I tried to convince my wife, Karel, that I liked the vegan lasagna she'd spent several hours making. I didn't, and she could tell, but my pseudo-enthusiasm softened the blow and conveyed to her that I cared enough about her feelings to 1) try a lasagna without even dairy products in it and 2) pretend to enjoy eating the monstrosity (it really was a crime against pasta).

There are vegan lasagna moments in everyone's life, and specifically everyone's relationships - times when you have to make it look like you know what you're doing or that you're excited to be doing it. Faking it tends to get a bad rap; people often equate it with lying. But I think of faking as lying's well-intentioned, slow-witted cousin. Faking don't wanna hurt nobody, faking just wants to help. We fake things to make our loved ones feel good or to make ourselves feel better. We do it because we're deeply invested in our partner's feelings. Allow me to share some moments of fakery in my marriage.

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Faking in bed.
Is there anything more clichéd? I guess that means it's a good place to start.

I've heard about men faking orgasm - I guess because they're tired or preoccupied by work and unable to get to happy hour (so to speak). But I've never done it.

As for Karel, she doesn't fake it in the bedroom in the traditional sense. She's not a method actor, and I truly believe she has never faked an orgasm. She just plays up her excitement along the way. I think she does it to make sure I'm entertained, and to help me get from point A to point B. When the curtain falls, she drops character immediately.

These over-the-top performances are not an everyday occurrence, so I know when it's happening, and I'm cool with it. In fact, Karel's willingness to be the occasional bedroom thespian makes me feel like when we don't have a ton of time, or she's distracted, or I'm distracted, she still cares enough about my needs to give me a totally action-packed experience, even if it's all special effects, ear-rattling explosives, and clever lighting. She's like the James Cameron movie of sex.
Read the rest of Why Faking An Orgasm is Good For Your Relationship


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