Back by popular demand: you guys loved this article on whether or not it's OK to have sex on the first date.
-Carrie Seim, http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/Is-it-OK-to-Have-Sex-on-a-First-Date.html
We've heard it all our lives. From dating experts, magazines and our own grandmas: If you sleep with a guy on a first date, he'll never want a serious relationship with you. Men love the chase, these dating oracles claim. Boys lose interest in girls they win too easily, they warn. And, they insist, men won't buy the cow when they're getting the Soy Joy for free.
But guess what? Those authors, dating experts and even sweet old Gram may have had our best interests at heart, but they've been spreading vicious lies.
BettyConfidential asked men around the country what they really think about first-date sex. The truth? They love it! (Big shocker, we know.) More surprisingly, none of the men said first-date sex would stop them from having a serious relationship with a woman. In fact, nearly every guy we spoke to said he'd had at least one long-term relationship with a woman he slept with on a first date.
Now, we're not suggesting you run out and bang the first guy in line at Starbucks this morning. (Unless that's your cup of joe.) But if you hit it off the first night with some lucky guy, don't feel bad if your goodnight kiss melts into a morning-after smooch. (Just remember your safety gear if you plan on stealing home base.)
Yes, there will always be a few unscrupulous fellows who love you and leave you. But at least you'll know up front they're not worth your time - or your thousand thread-count sheets. Most men, however, say that when they really like a girl, first-date sex certainly isn't going to taint their feelings for her. Quite the contrary, in fact…
Men Hate the Game, Not the Player
"It's practically a prerequisite for dating me," a 31-year-old engineer from Boston tells BettyConfidential. "I don't want to date a girl who's prudish or plays games - unless they're the kinky kind." He says he's had two relationships resulting from first-date sex. One lasting six months, the other lasted two years. He says he usually finds women who don't have sex on the first or second date "borrrring."
A 26-year-old actor from Los Angeles says he never judges his dates based on the timing of their first sleepover. "I had sex on the first date with a girl and it turned into a two-year live-in relationship," he explains. "It led me to believe that it's more about the chemistry between people than following The Rules."
According to these guys, women rarely understand how important sex is for men. And most men won't wait around forever to find out if the sex is good.
"A strong sexual connection is not something you can teach or learn later on," a 21-year-old college senior from Iowa tells BettyConfidential. "I want to see that connection to its fruition as soon as possible." He says it reminds him of the Buddhist saying, "Only the spoon knows what's in the soup."
"You've got to get in there and see what the soup tastes like," he explains.
A 27-year-old singer from New York City says dating milestones occur at a faster pace in bigger cities: "I am juggling two careers and a social life. What makes you think you're worth waiting months and a huge cash investment to have sex with? When [men] start spending 400 or 500 bucks, we start kicking ourselves for not just getting a hooker."
They Always Want It
There's one small caveat to this free love fiesta. Sleeping with a guy on the first date doesn't guarantee there will be a second date. But it doesn't guarantee there won't be, either.
A 35-year-old producer from Santa Monica, CA, explains that he always has his fingers crossed for first-date sex: "I usually know what I really think of the girl before it ever goes to the bedroom. For example, 'This girl is a freaking ditz. But damn I want to f--k her.' Conversely, I could be thinking, 'This girl is so amazing! I hope we have sex tonight, and then go out more and fall in love and travel and have more sex!' Sex on the first date isn't going to ruin that feeling I get about someone."
One final word of warning from a 42-year-old New York banker: If you're going to go for it, make sure you bring your A-game. "First-date sex is never going to stop me from seeing a girl again," he says. "If it's good. I'm going to tap that ass again and again."
Words to first-date by.
Tell us: Do you have sex on a first date?
Carrie Seim, Betty's L.A. Correspondent, is a writer and comedian keeping it real in L.A., New York and @ carrieseim.com.
To read more from BettyConfidential: