It's Complicated Advice Q&A: He Doesn't Want Our Baby
Recently, my boyfriend wanted to have sex without using condoms. I was afraid of pregnancy and told him so, knowing that we're not prepared now for a child. Finally, I went to my doctor and got on the Pill. I'd been taking it for a short time when my boyfriend and I spent the weekend together. He still didn't bring condoms - he always said he wanted a family with me, five kids! Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. Now, he is pressuring me to have an abortion. My religious upbringing and personal morals just won't allow me to let abortion be an option. He says I'm forcing him to be a father. I am heartbroken that the guy I thought was a "keeper" is a fake. What to do? - D.S., 34, Oceanside, CA
Related: How to Have a Better Relationship
Your boyfriend is being a jerk, but I'm not sure he's a "fake." Bringing another human being into this world is scary business, and perhaps his bad behavior is evidence that deep inside he knows this. In some ways it's a good sign - guys who are too cavalier about fatherhood also tend to be clueless about what having a baby really means. It might also seem as if he's the only one who's flip-flopping, but you had intercourse before you could be certain your birth control was working. So you, too, are ambivalent.
Related: The 18 Most Annoying Male Habits Explained
At the end of the day, however, none of this really matters. You're going to be a mom. Yes, you're "forcing" your boyfriend to be a baby daddy, but no one can force anyone to be a father; that's a decision he's got to come to on his own.
Related: Easy Ways to Feel Closer to Your Partner
Perhaps you two need to discuss the future with an eye toward practicalities. Tell him that you'd love for him to be involved in your child's life (if that's still true) and let him come around. Or not. The most important thing is for you to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your baby.
Karen Karbo is an award-winning writer and author of The Gospel According to Coco Chanel: Life Lessons from the World's Most Elegant Woman. She's also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Check out more advice from Karen.
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Maybe your best friend is suddenly acting strangely. Or your parents or in-laws are making you nuts. Or your sister always takes your mom's side in an argument, instead of yours. Whatever's bugging or perplexing you - about your friends, brother, sister, parents, in-laws, husband, you name it - REDBOOK's Karen Karbo has the smart advice you need. Email your questions, rants, and worries to her at karenkarbo@redbookmag.com and please include your initials, age, city and state. Letters may be edited for clarity and length.
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