It's Complicated Advice Q&A: Is My Husband Going to Cheat on Me?
My husband and I are close with another couple whose friendship I value very much. However, my husband seems preoccupied with the female half of this couple. He texts her numerous times a day; he also responds to her requests for assistance rapidly, while my requests are forgotten. I don't think he is actually cheating on me, but I am upset that he seems more responsive to her. Am I being too sensitive? - K.G., 30, Marion, OH
Related: How to Have a Better Relationship
No, but even if you were, don't fall into the trap that a lot of women do (I've been there, believe me) of blaming your feelings for the problem. Doing so is to reassure yourself that the conflict isn't really an issue - it's just you - and that if you could somehow talk yourself out of your sensitive feelings, everything would magically resolve itself.
Related: The 18 Most Annoying Male Habits Explained
But that's not how it works, especially within marriages. Regardless of whether your husband is on the path to infidelity, you're upset about the situation as it is now. That's the bottom line - and the place you need to work from. (And from an outsider's perspective, there's no reason he should be so promptly texting this other woman. None. Even if her house is on fire, she should call 911, not your husband.)
Related: Easy Ways to Feel Closer to Your Partner
So ask him to stop. Ask nicely, and don't make excuses for your feelings. But also, don't accuse him of paying more attention to her than to you, which will inevitably lead to dragging out the Giant Invisible Book of Marital Rights and Wrongs. Instead say something like, "I'm just not comfortable with you texting Jessica. It upsets me."
Related:Vote for America's Hottest Husband
Generally speaking, most men don't like it when their women are upset. If they can do something to fix it - especially something as easy as ignoring a text - they will. If your husband says he can't possibly ignore Jessica's requests, you might have a bigger problem, but for the moment, don't borrow trouble. Give him the chance to make you happy.
Karen Karbo is an award-winning writer and author of The Gospel According to Coco Chanel: Life Lessons from the World's Most Elegant Woman. She's also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Check out more advice from Karen.
Need smart advice?
Whatever's bugging or perplexing you - about your friends, brother, sister, parents, in-laws, husband, you name it - REDBOOK's Karen Karbo has the smart advice you need. Email your questions, rants, and worries to her at karenkarbo@redbookmag.com and please include your initials, age, city and state. Letters may be edited for clarity and length.
More from REDBOOK:
Connect with REDBOOK:
Permissions:
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
