It's Complicated Advice Q&A: My Husband's Money Habits Make Me Resent Him
I have three children from a previous marriage, and I'm now remarried and my husband and I have a baby together. I receive plenty of child support, so I haven't needed to get a job. My husband doesn't earn a lot of money. He pays the mortgage; I pay the bills and support my girls, but I expect him to help with my expenses and our son's. He's pretty good about what our son needs, but he doesn't help me out with money unless I ask for it. I know he needs to save for our future, but I don't feel like a married couple because we don't share most of our expenses and income. It's making me resentful toward him. Should I feel this way?
- B.T., 36, Permian Basin, TX
When it comes to feelings, there's no "should"; you feel how you feel. That said, continuing on in a situation in which you feel resentment is never good. Clearly, the current financial arrangement doesn't work for you, so you need to hammer out a plan with your husband that feels more equitable.
Related: 7 Things He's Not Telling You
Begin with what you feel is working about your situation now: that you really do appreciate how your guy is good about buying things your son needs, paying the mortgage, and putting away money in savings. Hearing that you see the good things he does will help him be more receptive to a new money plan. Once you do agree on a new plan, try it out for three months, then re-evaluate. Keep tweaking it until you're both happy. Money is among the stickiest issues in any marriage, so solving this problem is no small feat. Once you've reached a solution, thank your man for hanging in there and working to make your marriage better.
Related: The Best Mom Moments
Karen Karbo is an award-winning writer and author of The Gospel According to Coco Chanel: Life Lessons from the World's Most Elegant Woman. She's also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Check out more advice from Karen.
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