It's Complicated Advice Q&A: Why Won't He Introduce Me to His Mom?

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. Recently, his mother came to stay with him for a few months. Though she arrived a month ago, he hasn't introduced me to her. I asked why he's so evasive when it comes to talking about or introducing me to his family. His answers amounted to avoiding the matter. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not as special to him as I thought I was. Should I just let this be, or should I confront him more squarely?
- N.S., 38, Seattle

Related: How to Have a Better Relationship


The simple answer: Let it be. You wonder if this means you're not special to him, but I doubt it has much (if anything) to do with you. Really.


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No one can be inside anyone else's family. There's an entire unspoken code of conduct that you might never be privy to. (Chances are, your boyfriend can't even articulate it.) It's not easy, but you need to accept the fact that you're operating on his schedule. Here's what you can do: Tell your boyfriend how you feel about it. That's all, how you feel. Confronting him more squarely will only polarize the situation. You'll no longer be on the same "side."

Related: The 18 Most Annoying Male Habits Explained

If months pass and nothing changes, you may need to reconsider the relationship. If he's still evasive, chances are he always will be. Can you live with that? Do you want to live with that? Rather than looking at this situation as a roadblock, view it as an opportunity for your boyfriend to further reveal his true character and commitment to your life together.

Related: Easy Ways to Feel Closer to Your Partner

Karen Karbo is an award-winning writer and author of The Gospel According to Coco Chanel: Life Lessons from the World's Most Elegant Woman. She's also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Check out more advice from Karen.

Need smart advice?
Whatever's bugging or perplexing you - about your friends, brother, sister, parents, in-laws, husband, you name it - REDBOOK's Karen Karbo has the smart advice you need. Email your questions, rants, and worries to her at karenkarbo@redbookmag.com and please include your initials, age, city and state. Letters may be edited for clarity and length.

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