Keeping married life sweet and spicy
Halloween came and went as quickly as the cauldron of candy on my antique hutch. Once brimming over in sweet promise - Come on, you're one bite away from bliss - is now nothing more than an empty pit of wrappers and crumbs. (Save for a few coconut rejects and what appears to be a candied thumb or a nose. I can't be sure.)
My dating life used to be like that bowl: Shining, tempting and full to the brim with delicious opportunities. My biggest challenge was never Would there be enough choices but Which one do I pick? I could never decide between the overly sweet one that potentially would make me sick, the sour one that was sexy but would ultimately leave me with a stomach ache, or the goofy looking one with the big nuts.
I'm not surprised that my choice of husbands, like my favorite candy stand-bys, turned out to be a classic: Always ready to deliver me a steady stream of satisfaction, there's never any hidden surprises in the center. I know what to expect over and overr.
Not surprisingly, my sweet Rex's blessing is also his curse when it comes to a sweet tooth like me. Maybe you're in the same position. How does one who loves the razzle and dazzle of a varied candy dish find passion opening up the same wrapper night after night?
About ten years ago, before I was engaged, I posed this very question to a younger male co-worker. He was called Grasshopper, a name I aptly dubbed him due to tediously training him on script coordination. While there are some rules and insight into putting out a solid script every night, the same can be applied toward sex. This is where he trained me. Knee deep in director's note inserts, he offered, Since you can't change the candy, maybe you can change where you eat it.
My mind immediately went to a raunchy place, but I smacked my inner truck driver down and thought about Grasshopper's wisdom: That to have the beautiful consistency of a marriage, along with the spice of a hot sex life, I would have to avoid complacency. Why not melt the chocolate? Have it in the kitchen? In the bathtub? The bedroom? And on some days, when I'm just not in the mood, why don't I give myself a break? Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder (and some things longer).
It seems like such a basic solution to a life full of such seductive temptation at every corner. Is the answer for a hot sex life, within the boring constructs of marriage, really that simple? Yes, Grasshoppers, it is.
Posted by Andrea Frazer
Good Housekeeping
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