Should We Lie If We Are Not Interested?
Posted by James Lane for BounceBack.com
When it comes to dating, especially in those beginning stages, we all try our best to trick or deceive the person we are courting. Whether it be fibbing about our actual jobs or telling a little white lie about the year we spent in prison, it's pretty natural to exaggerate or mislead others to make us appear as someone they really want to date.
For me, I do a whole lot of online dating, which makes this whole lying thing that much easier. Instead of having to lie on the spot when asked what the tear drop tattoo on my left eye means, I can instead take the time to devise a wordy e-mail, scan and edit it before sending.
Related: 5 Rules For Online Dating Etiquette
Like most people, I am a horrible liar when it comes to face-to-face interactions. It started when my mom would come in my room and ask if my homework was completed. Or when my dad would pull me into his office to ask if the shirt he was wearing made him look fat. After a while of being awful with telling lies, I soon learned it was easier to actually complete my math homework and remove any article of clothing that was orange from my dad's closet.
Now, ten years later, I am still figuring out this whole lying thing. Normally I do not lie about anything on my dating profile. Do I embellish certain details? Sure. Do I lie about my receding hair line? You bet. Do I tell my suitors I visit the gym 3-4 times a week? I have to. But, to me, these are all little things; not so important in the big scheme of things.
The only time I find myself having a hard time when it comes to lying is actually after the first date. Getting someone to go out for dinner or drinks is the easy part. The date is actually pretty easy, too. But the part I hate the most, the part I pray never ever has to happen, is when I get that message, or that text, or that fax from the person I went on a date with asking, "So, what did you think?"
I don't know if I am the only one who receives this same message after every date, but it honestly makes me cringe. Now I am put in an uncomfortable position. I could lie and say "I thought you were awesome! I didn't know people still had iguanas for pets! I really liked that Ms.Pacman shirt you wore to dinner" or I could tell the truth and say "I just wasn't that into you. Sorry."
Wouldn't things be so much easier if that's how we dealt with all the bad dates we go on? Being able to say exactly what we wanted to say to the other person without being too mean or cruel or, well, honest?
Related: To Thy Own Self Be True
But we can't. Because that would make us bad people. We have to put them down easy by saying things like, "I had fun, I'm just really swamped at work" or "We should totally do it again sometime, I'll let you know when I come back from my mission work in Haiti" or just a simple "LOL" can sometimes suffice.
If we do lie and say we had a great time, we are just building up their feelings and we can't do that, because things could soon get worse. We would be in the predicament to still talk to them, or even worse, go on a second date.
From my experience (Oh, I've only had to end things with one person a few years back. Luckily I don't have to send those awkward texts about me not wanting to date someone anymore! Phew. They usually just take the hint that I wasn't interested and stop talking to me all together, change their numbers, and delete me off of Facebook. Thanks!) I would have to advise you to be honest when it comes to ending a relationship - or even just answering the "What-did-you-think" question. There are nice ways of getting the message out there- "I just don't think we are a match" (quoting an exact text my ex sent me).
So, when it comes to telling the person "what you thought about the date" and/or "if you want to see them again" don't lie - just, sugar coat the answer.
To read more from James, visit his blog Expiration Dating.
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