If you're lacking in the sex-drive department, join the crowd. By a landslide, most of the questions our columnist Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., receives have something to do with a low libido, such as:
- "I am still attracted to my husband, but I'm never in the mood. Could this be a medical problem?"
- "Since having my second child, my sex drive has disappeared. Sometimes I suck it up and do it for my husband's sake, but I stay dry and it hurts."
- "My husband doesn't initiate sex anymore, and I feel awkward doing it."
Loss of sexual desire can happen at any age, even if you're totally attracted to your partner. If you've been married a long time, simple boredom can take its toll. This is natural - who wants to eat the same meal every day? So work a little to add the spark back. Check into a hotel, take a bubble bath together, or cut some strategic holes into an old T-shirt of his and wear it to bed. Medications like birth control pills and antidepressants can also kill libido, as can stress, depression, and anxiety and conditions like hypertension, diabetes, and thyroid disease. If you think any of these libido-busters are a culprit for you, talk to your doctor.
Find More About Sex Problems Your Doctor Can Solve
If you've recently had a baby, vaginal dryness and loss of sex drive are totally normal and could persist for more than a year. Explain to your husband that though you're still hot for him, physical factors - from hormonal changes to sheer fatigue - may keep you dry, so you'll need a little extra foreplay for now. Buy a lubricant and rub it on him, and let him rub it on you. This will be fun for him and give you time to relax and lubricate naturally. If this feels too physical for you, find other ways to express your love for your mate, like spooning. Be patient - you will get your mojo back! It's worth the effort: Sex is important both physiologically (having it releases a bonding hormone called oxytocin) and emotionally (you do feel closer to your partner after a romp in the hay).
Check Out These Hot Foreplay Moves
Finally, know that, just like women, men may experience a drop in sex drive with age due to hormonal changes. Don't feel embarrassed about initiating sex. In fact, your husband might not be saying so, but he may need you to stroke his penis in order to have an erection now, not because he thinks you're less attractive but because he needs the extra stimulation. Meet him halfway, and you'll really get a rise out of him.
Don't Miss 26 Great Sex Tips for Married Couples
Read more about sex drives and libido:
- Your Post-Baby Sex Survival Guide: The "he says, she says" handbook for rekindling your sex life with a baby on board.
- Feel in the Mood for Sex (Even When You're Stressed): How to get hot again, anytime, anyplace. Just like the old days.
- Eat Your Way to Better Sex: Aphrodisiac Recipes: Try a natural libido boost! The vitamins and minerals in these foods can pump up hormone levels, increase nerve sensitivity, and make sex sizzle in all sorts of subtle yet noticeable ways.
Do you have sex-drive hang-ups? Tell us how you boost your libido and keep things going in the bedroom.
More from REDBOOK:
Our 40 Steamiest Sex Articles - Ever
Diet Myths That Make You Fat
Mini-Makeovers That Boost Your Look and Mood
10 Ugly Truths About Men Revealed
- Get More on Love, Family & Fashion - Subscribe to REDBOOK & Save up to 84%!
Connect with REDBOOK:
- Become Our Fan on Facebook
- Sign Up for REDBOOK's Free Weekly Newsletter
- Follow Us on Twitter
- Enter to Win FREE Daily Prizes
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.