Lose Your Sex Drive? How to Get It Back

If you're lacking in the sex-drive department, join the crowd. By a landslide, most of the questions our columnist Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., receives have something to do with a low libido, such as:

  • "I am still attracted to my husband, but I'm never in the mood. Could this be a medical problem?"
  • "Since having my second child, my sex drive has disappeared. Sometimes I suck it up and do it for my husband's sake, but I stay dry and it hurts."
  • "My husband doesn't initiate sex anymore, and I feel awkward doing it."

Loss of sexual desire can happen at any age, even if you're totally attracted to your partner. If you've been married a long time, simple boredom can take its toll. This is natural - who wants to eat the same meal every day? So work a little to add the spark back. Check into a hotel, take a bubble bath together, or cut some strategic holes into an old T-shirt of his and wear it to bed. Medications like birth control pills and antidepressants can also kill libido, as can stress, depression, and anxiety and conditions like hypertension, diabetes, and thyroid disease. If you think any of these libido-busters are a culprit for you, talk to your doctor.

Find More About Sex Problems Your Doctor Can Solve

If you've recently had a baby, vaginal dryness and loss of sex drive are totally normal and could persist for more than a year. Explain to your husband that though you're still hot for him, physical factors - from hormonal changes to sheer fatigue - may keep you dry, so you'll need a little extra foreplay for now. Buy a lubricant and rub it on him, and let him rub it on you. This will be fun for him and give you time to relax and lubricate naturally. If this feels too physical for you, find other ways to express your love for your mate, like spooning. Be patient - you will get your mojo back! It's worth the effort: Sex is important both physiologically (having it releases a bonding hormone called oxytocin) and emotionally (you do feel closer to your partner after a romp in the hay).

Check Out These Hot Foreplay Moves


Finally, know that, just like women, men may experience a drop in sex drive with age due to hormonal changes. Don't feel embarrassed about initiating sex. In fact, your husband might not be saying so, but he may need you to stroke his penis in order to have an erection now, not because he thinks you're less attractive but because he needs the extra stimulation. Meet him halfway, and you'll really get a rise out of him.

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Read more about sex drives and libido:
By Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.

Do you have sex-drive hang-ups? Tell us how you boost your libido and keep things going in the bedroom.

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