Find Love when You Aren't Looking

The Best Love Comes When You Least Expect ItThe Best Love Comes When You Least Expect It

By James Lane for

While surfing the internet the other day, I came across a quote that read: "The best love comes when you aren't looking for it". Don't' ask why I was looking for quotes on love in my spare time - it's been a pretty slow week. But, upon reading that, it got me thinking. If we are so consumed with finding the right person, and so desperately want to be in a relationship, we will stop at nothing to make it happen. We will read way too much into minute details of a first date, we will start seeking out prospects everywhere, all the while trying to ignore the small warning signs that should tell us they aren't the right one.

We've all been there. Maybe it is more prevalent and important in the winter and holiday season when we all NEED a companion to get through Christmas and New Year's, but as it turns out, looking for love is a year-round sensation - a sensation that we are becoming obsessed with.

Related: Feeling the Need for Validation? Don't Look to Others

As members of the single community, we will stop at nothing to leave the group behind and join the community of those "in love" and "happily married". We are reminded every day just how truly single we are. Going to the movies, walking our dogs in a park, and don't even get me started about logging onto Facebook. It seems every time I log on, six new people are in a relationship. My news feed has quickly become my "blues feed" showing me that everyone else is happy and in a relationship. Dislike!

We are so consumed with other people and keeping up with the Jones's, that we feel our relationship clock is ticking and if everyone we know is settling down and having babies, we better start too!

Related: How to Cope When Everyone You Know Is Getting Married

With that being said, we basically jump through hoops to find someone. Signing up for every dating website out there, speed dating, and following people around in the grocery store waiting for them to notice us. (Don't try that one; it freaks people out, as I found out yesterday).

So, what should we do, you may be asking. Well, here is what we should do. Stop Looking!

It sounds easy, simple, cliché, and obvious, right? Well, I guess it kind of is. If we occupy ourselves with our job, friends, new hobbies, sports, and books, we will be so busy to even think about dating anyone.

Related: Coming to Terms With Your Single Status

If you go out to a bar or club with the intent of "I am going to find someone tonight", it will never work out. Just like when you go to the mall saying "I need a blue and white striped shirt". You will find every color combination except blue and white. It is just like the saying "A watched pot never boils". Well, a "wanted relationship never happens."

We need to start relaxing a bit and trusting our fate that we will find someone. The best relationship stories always happen when you were least expecting it. "I was running late for my flight we bumped into each other at gate 17" or "She was in behind me at Starbucks and ordered the same drink" or "He followed me around the supermarket until I finally agreed to go out with him."

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To read more from James, visit his blog Fatal Abstraction .