LOVE HOROSCOPE: Seeing stars for the week of November 3rd

Fortune Cookie Week!

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)

On the sidelines they eat oranges and cheer the players; on the field they score.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Being as mysterious as the "special house meat" will work in your favor this week.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
It is better to wear out than rust bed. (But what happens when your amazing sex life leaves you black and blue?)

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Someone will invite you to a karaoke party. You should go.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
He who never shuts his mouth eats flies. And he who eats flies has bad breath.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)

Love is like oral sex--just because you give it doesn't always mean you'll get it in return. (Is sex without oral a dealbreaker?)

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Ambivalence is God's way of telling you to keep it in your pants.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Absence makes the heart grow fonder but procrastination just pisses it off.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
The question of life is "Why?" The answer is "Why not?" You will get it wrong on the quiz this week.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
The first and last love is self-love. (But what if your boyfriend over does it with the "self-love"?)

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Blow not against the hurricane, but gently against nearby earlobes.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
A hot bod clouds one's vision; dirty-dog sex with a hot bod clouds one's brain; and unprotected dirty-dog sex with a hot bod clouds one's genital tract.