LOVE HOROSCOPE: Seeing stars for the week of September 1st

Em and Lo

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
You will find it difficult to hide your true feelings. You'll be passionate, warm, and affectionate in your gestures, and this will incur "interesting" responses. Especially if all this "warmth" and "affection" is being displayed on a second date. And you're a chick. And your date is a dude. Don't make any sudden moves unless you're prepared to see a grown man squeal like a little piggie on the way to market.

Check out Glamour's 16 sexy, sneaky acts of seduction to get him into the mood!

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Being overly pushy is sure to blow up in your face this week. And we don't mean "blow up" in a sexy, let's-fight-and-make-up kind of way, you dirty little drama queen. No, we mean blow up in a "I'm leaving you for a more mellow partner who won't make me commit to a joint bank account just yet" kind of way. So don't push it, Mr./Ms. Pushy-Face.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Your timing's all off. Or maybe it's the person you're kind of sweet on whose schedule is all out of whack. Well, someone's got the timing of a bad joke told by Bob Saget on America's Funniest Home Videos. Just be patient and understanding when the forces that be keep you two from making America's dirtiest home videos this week.

More from Daily Bedpost: Before I Die I Want to... Make a Home Video

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
You wouldn't happen to have feelings for more than one person, now, would you? Come on, you can tell us. Maybe you're feeling just a little tug from someone in another direction...we knew it! We have no advice for you, we just wanted to see if we were right.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Your confident attitude is a better aphrodisiac than oysters (and really, we find it hard to associate anything other than slugs and cheesy pick-up lines with that particular delicacy of the sea). Make sure you get out and about so that all your little "I'm so freakin' confident and sexy" spores can infiltrate the air around you and get inhaled by all the susceptible hotties in your 'hood. Just stay away from first cousins and recent exes for a few days--they might find the aphrodisiac effect "confusing."

More from Daily Bedpost: 10 Better Things About Being in a Relationship

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Look spaz, just because you had three cups of coffee for breakfast and a bowl of sugar for lunch, doesn't mean the rest of us are as excitable and hyperactive as you. Put a helmet on before you hurt yourself. Better yet, offer the person you're throwing yourself at a helmet. Better yet, keep the helmet because you're gonna need it when they drop you to the curb.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Apparently "talk will get you exactly what you want" this week. So we recommend setting your sights a little higher than simply using your new-found oratorical skills to order a particularly complicated sandwich at the deli.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
You have free reign this week. You can do whatever you want and you'll pretty much get a favorable response. But let's not take this too literally, people. Picking your nose in public and without shame on a first date probably won't guarantee you a second, even though the stars are shining on you right now. However, accidentally tooting in front of a new partner will most likely only endear you to them. Appreciate your power, don't abuse it.

More from Glamour: 10 most embarrassing, baffling, just plain insane sex and love situations

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Make sure you stretch this week, because you're going to be running away from love--fast--and you don't want to get a cramp.

Ten Excellent Reasons to Be Single Right Now

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
What can we say Cap? It sucks to be you this week. You might as well not even bother getting out of bed, at least not for any dates or romantic outings, because you're going to be an emotional wreck. It's like you're drinking that PMS soda, except instead of relieving you of your symptoms it only exacerbates them. So don't make any big decisions or do any heavy lifting.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
According to the stars, "You will be up for a pleasant surprise this week if you get out and socialize." For an evening that continues to surprise in a very pleasant way, insert a small buttplug before heading out to socialize.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
You've heard it before: Relationships take work. But it seems like you've been doing all the heavy lifting lately. Where's your beloved? Probably out back working on their tan. If you're going to get this house o' love built, you've got to get your partner off their butt. If not, it'll be time to give up and just pitch a tent on your own.

MORE FROM DAILY BEDPOST AND GLAMOUR: