How to Lower Your 'Bitch Shield.'

Lower Your Shields!

Check out what happens when Samantha takes Mehow's advice into the field to see if she can successfully drop her "bitch shield" and land a date on "The Girl's Game."

Why hasn't he come over to talk to you?

Are you wearing that hot, little black number? Check.

Have you made eye contact? Briefly.

You are not yet plastered, balancing against a doorframe, hoping the world stops spinning.

Maybe he has a girlfriend. Even though you distinctly recall, while 'politely overhearing,' that he has been single for a few months, you start to tell yourself anything to avoid a bruised ego.

You aim for sexy, seductive even, but yet you continually miss the mark. How? Why? It all feels rather tragic. So where did it all go wrong?

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It is impossible to know exactly how others perceive you, which can occasionally be a detriment socially. Society, as such, has a major pre-occupation with appearance, showing off the good, and masking the bad. Like it or not, from our body language to the clothes we wear, what we put forth externally, has a very significant impact on how we are perceived by others. There are no do-overs when it comes to first impressions. You either appear to have it together or you don't. Those lucky enough to have a strong sense of self-perception have the capacity to dissect behaviors that both attract and repel certain types of people.

Just imagine being told you come across as socially unapproachable, or, more blatantly, that you give off the "bitch vibe." A comment like that might come as a total shock. You can't fathom how people got that impression, and, concurrently, wonder how the hell you could be so oblivious. Time to do some backpedaling and try to objectively analyze your behavior in various situations. Ask yourself, "Would I approach me?" Consider the reasons why or why not? Next, ask your friends for their honest input and try not to take offense in the process. Compare your thoughts with theirs, consider possible behavioral changes, and make a conscious effort to implement them into your lifestyle. Even in the presence of the most polite of company, being aloof can still leave you out in the cold.

Many of us claim to be experts when it comes to people analysis. No matter the location or event, from a supermarket to a wedding, there is no escape from superficial judgment. Our brains automatically categorize and subcategorize people (i.e. personality, career, wealth, relationship status, looks, sexual orientation etc.) based solely on appearance, body language, and pure assumption.

First impressions are very important. Always take time to evaluate your own appearance.

Our appearance, on the whole, is enhanced by body language; and our body language directly reflects our current state of mind. Most of the time our brain does not operate in the present. Instead, it is constantly scrolling through endless mental lists of things you need to do, things you should be doing, or things you would rather be doing. You might be the sweetest person alive. Still, a wandering mind can give off the wrong vibe, making it easy for people to add you to their "bitch" category.

In the dating world, men are at a solid disadvantage. They see you with your head down, headphones on, eyes focused on your laptop, and only an occasional glance around. This is perceived as a 'bitch shield.' Sorry ladies, they just won't approach.

We have long been told that who we are on the inside is what really counts in life. The trick is learning to let your inner self radiate on the outside. Men are not mind readers. Aside from your appearance, all they have to work with is a subtle cue or any signal of interest. You can easily learn how to do this!

Here are a few hints to make you more approachable with a few simple tweaks to your body language.

Smile Often:

If I could give you just one piece of advice, this would be it. Never underestimate the power of a smile. Often consumed with our stressful lives, it is easy to forget about such a basic expression that not only renders you friendly and approachable, but can also brighten someone's day.

A quick smile when you see someone you know, or someone you'd like to get to know, makes a world of difference.

Open Body Language:

Folding your arms across your chest and/or sitting with your legs crossed perfectly illustrates a classic "closed off" position. To open up, keep your arms by your side and try to cross your leg toward your person of interest.

Let me ask you something. What color eyes does your boss have? What about your local barista? Can you remember? Eye contact is one of the most important parts of all human connection. Unfortunately, most of us lack the nerve to go beyond the initial brief glance.

Pay attention to "Approach Invitations" in the above video. A split second glance and a quick smile usually won't get you the man of your dreams. You really have to make it a 1-2 second experience for him.

When Someone Approaches You:

When someone strikes up a conversation with you, keep the dialogue positive. Try to be in the moment and actually enjoy the conversation at hand; do your best to filter out any distractions.

Putting It All Together:

Let's return to the beginning with our hypothetical woman who is wondering why the guy she is eyeing won't return the attention. Might she be holding her drink in front of her defensively deterring his approach, or is she just sitting in a hard to reach location?

How would you get his attention?

--- Mehow, Dave C, and The Girl's Game Team