Should the Man in a Relationship Love the Woman More? Most People Say Yes
By Chiara Atik forHowAboutWe.com
"For a relationship to work well, the man has to love the woman just a little bit more" - so goes the old wives' tale. As archaic as this tidbit might seem in an era of equal partnerships and less rigid gender roles, the notion that relationships in which the man cares more deeply than the woman are more stable has persisted.
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According to a recent poll conducted by HowAboutWe.com, a whopping 72% agree that in a good relationship, the man should love the woman more.
For many, this is a view that has been passed down from previous generations, and modern-day daters have taken it to heart.
"My grandmother said to me a long time ago, marry the man who loves you more than you love him," responded one poll-taker.
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The theory is probably based on the perception that men are more likely to stray or cheat than women. (A look at recent celebrity breakups, from Arnold Schwarzenegger to Ashton Kutcher, seems to back this up.) Additionally, men are often portrayed as "chasers": they like to be the one in pursuit. If a man senses he loves a woman more than she loves him, he'll constantly feel the need to pursue this woman (as opposed to chasing another woman).
Women, on the other hand, in their biological roles as mothers and caretakers, are more likely to choose stability over passion, and therefore less likely to stray. So as long as the man loves the woman more, and is faithful, the woman isn't likely to be a problem. Of course this is wildly generic, but the basic logic seems to make sense.
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So do relationships where the man loves the woman more work better? Maybe. But the danger with maxims passed down from our grandmothers is that they give us a prescriptive idea of what we think love should look like, which sometimes makes us blind to what love actually looks like.
In other words, maybe sometimes the man loves the woman more, and maybe sometimes he doesn't, so no need to worry if your relationship doesn't seem to exactly match this formula: after all, there's no "right way" to have a relationship.
