Just last week, on Valentine's Day no less, Page Six ran a story in which they claimed that preternaturally beautiful Oscar hopefuls Lupita Nyong'o and Jared Leto were romantically entangled-employing the page's usual terminology for such items ("getting close," "cozying up"). And it seemed to make a lot of sense! They both look like works of art; they can lean on each other as they endure the ups and downs of this awards season; and they're both frontrunners in their respective categories, which gives the pairing a Prom King and Queen vibe.
SEE MORE: 50 Years of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
But, lo, as she does, Miley Cyrus has appeared to complicate matters. Us Weekly has shaken up the Internet-nay, the foundation upon which the nation stands-this morning, running an exclusive with this headline: "Miley Cyrus, Jared Leto 'Are Hooking Up,' Love Talking Art, Music." Jesus, Us, give us a chance to catch our breath; there is so much to unpack here, and we haven't even gotten past the headline yet. As for their evidence, Us claims that Cyrus "stayed over at [Leto's] house in L.A. in early February," a few weeks after they were snapped chatting at Clive Davis's pre-Grammys party in late January. The report notes that the 21-year-old and 42-year-old have "known each other for a while," explaining neither is looking for a relationship at the moment: "They like to have a good time, they love to talk about art and music-and they're both comfortable with nudity!"
So, do we trust this story? Sure, they both have a thing for Terry Richardson, and, yes, Us is usually reliable. And their purported affinity for discussing art and music rings true, reminiscent of when your friend dated a vaguely pretentious older guy when she was a freshman in college. ("He knows so much about philosophy and cinema and books, you guys. I just love listening to him. It's incredible. I'm just, like, soaking it all up.") On the other hand, the age difference (21 years!) and the sheer weirdness of it (seriously, look at this picture and try to imagine these two having a conversation) do give us pause. Perhaps less important that the veracity of the claim is the unlikeliness of this newly formed Miley-Lupita-Jared love triangle, which is like a love triangle between a Sour Patch Kid, a glass of champagne, and some chewing tobacco.