Moving on After a Break Up: How Soon is Too Soon?
Posted by Olga Melman for BounceBack.com
Okay, so you have already broken up with your partner. The tough part is over and it's time to move on! However, you might need some time to heal and reconnect with yourself before the next best thing comes along. Jumping right into the dating pool might be daunting. So the question is how long should you wait before trying something new? Here are some suggestions:
AFTER A FLING
This really depends on the intensity of the fling. For some, the encounter is so strong and deep that it may take a while to get over. Other relationhips are less powerful and meaningful and require less time. Regardless of the nature of the fling, it is best to move on when you are no longer happy with that situation and it no longer fulfills you.
Related: What Can We Learn About Our Failed Relationships?
ONE OR MORE YEARS
If your relationship is no longer functional, it needs to end. From that point, you can assess the damage done. One-year relationships may require less time to heal since you have invested less time. Longer relationships may take much longer since you have accumulated years of memories and shared experiences together. Whether you are in a one-year partnership or longer, time heals all wounds.
Related: The Break Down of a Break Up
Unfortunately there is no magic formula to moving on. I call it an internal clock. This is when you know you are ready and capable of sharing your life with someone else again! Your internal clock knows that you have healed and repaired your broken heart. Your clock knows the past is over and you are ready to have fun again.
LIVE-IN RELATIONSHIP
Okay, so you have shared everything from toothbrushes to finances. Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship. This might include guilt, anger, blame, jealousy, shock, denial, despair and depression. Learn to cope with these feelings. This will take some time. Again, there is no time limit. This is strictly individual and really depends on how you deal with your emotions. Moving away from seeing your partner everyday to not seeing them at all can be quite a shock.
Also the idea of sharing things and learning to distance and separate your belongings will require some time and effort. Once you have made your decision, stick to it and deal with those feelings adequately.
MARRIAGE
Put on your 'coping' hats because it's time to move on! Yes, this will take time. Again, each case is individual. There is no set time limit. You should take the time to forgive yourself and your partner. This may take longer for some rather than others. The important thing to stress is to keep the ball rolling and keep moving forward. You don't want to get stuck in the past. You have accepted that the marriage is over, and now it is time to forgive, recognize the light within you and share it with someone better!
Related: Impossible or I'm Possible: What is Your Break Up Attitude?
I have spoken to a man who started dating one year after he left his marriage because it was no longer working for him and he was unhappy. Going through the separation, moving out of a shared house, and all the paperwork took some time. However, in his mind, he was free of the hassle of a no longer functional relationship.
Yes, extricating yourself from a marriage will take some time (possibly a year or more) depending on how quickly you can get things accomplished and how determined you are to let it all go. It really depends on how badly you want to be 'free' and how quickly you can find the strength, courage and willpower to heal the pain.
The best time to move on really is up to you. There is no real time limit. You will know when you are ready. After the pain and heartbreak of the past has healed, you will find a fresh new light within guiding you to your new romance. You don't necessarily need to start over. Instead, think of all the things you have learned and move on to something better.
Moving on is also important when your life is compromised because you can't. You don't want to be stuck in a situation that doesn't allow you to be you and live the fullest life possible! Push yourself to move on by dating even before feeling fully ready because dating can help you move on.
So check your internal clocks, ladies and gents, and ask yourselves when the time is right!
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Find out more about the full BounceBack 4 Phase Program, coming this fall, by clicking here.
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