My Most Awkward Sexual Experience (This One's a Doozy)
Feeling brave? This reader had our most awkward sexual experience yet...
Here's her story:
Growing up, I was wildly inexperienced sexually. I had lots of guy friends, and I had crushes on guys, but I didn't even kiss anyone until I was out of college. So I was living in Chicago and started falling in love with a close guy friend. He was so wonderful in every way. And, to my amazement and happiness, he told me one day that he liked me, too!
We went on a bunch of dates, and everything was blissful. The only catch was that I was really nervous about hooking up. I felt like didn't know how. And since I was 24, I thought I should know. I had asked my best friend how to give a ----- , and she told me it was easy and natural. "You just move your hand up and down," she said. "It will feel right in the moment." Ok, got it.
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One night soon afterward, we ended up back at his house. We started kissing, and then we moved into the bedroom. This is it, I thought. We stripped off our clothes and were rolling around. I reached down and put my hand on his, uh, manhood. And then I moved it up and down. Back and forth. Pushing it all the way one way and then all the way the other. Like a PARKING BRAKE.
The catch? He didn't seem to be getting that turned on. What am I doing wrong? I wondered. We kept kissing and everything else was romantic, so the night itself was great, but, in the back of my mind, I was still perplexed.
The next morning, I called my friend. "What gives?" I asked her. She burst into laughter. "Oh no!" she said. "I'm so sorry! You move your hand up and down. He stays in the same place."
Oh.
No.
Luckily, despite my parking-brake snafu, everything worked out, and now we're happily married. But note to friends: If you're explaining sexual moves, demonstrate on a banana! These things can be confusing!
Wow! Thanks for sharing. Dear readers, who "taught" you how to do sexual moves before you had ever done them? Did you just naturally figure it out? Or did you get a sense through movies? Friends? Older sisters?
P.S. 13 other horribly awkward sexual experiences, including getting caught "parking" and a guy who ended up in her roommate's bed! How old were you when you lost your virginity? And how did your parents tell you about sex?
Photo: Sarah Kane
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