My So-Called Sex Life: Sex and the Bathroom - It

I have this little problem. And I'm not really ashamed to admit it, because I have a sneaking suspicion that many of you women have the same one.

So men, if you're reading, and you really want some insight into the reality of married sex, I suggest you pay attention to this particular nugget of truth I'm about to reveal. Once you know that your wife is not the only one experiencing some of the less publiciized aspects of foreplay, you might breathe a sigh of relief. "Ah, she's not the only one."

You see, once a women gets riled up, or perhaps even if her randy mate wants to forego the commercials and get right to the cumming coming attractions, she often has to press pause for a moment while she does something incredibly sexy goes pee.

I can't speak for all of you, but I'm almost 40. I pushed out two kids within a year and half. That's almost 3 years straight of miniature humans stretching out my uterus. Which is awfully close to the bladder if memory serves me right.

"Knock! Knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Your kid."

"Your kid who?"

"Your kid-ding if you think after pushing us suckers out you're going to let something else push back in without some serious problems."

It's not sexy, I'm just saying.

Rex is really good about it. He knows that "I need a moment" translates to a little bathroom release before his (and hopefully my) quick little bedroom release.

Now that I'm dieting, and finally shedding that last ten pounds (8 to go), I'm starting to feel more attractive. Which naturally leads to me feeling more sexual. But sadly, I'm peeing more than ever. I mean, all that liquid I'm replacing food with? It has to go somewhere.

How do porn stars do it? It's not like I've watched that much, but I've seen enough to bet the house that there's no one scene where Actress A says to her sex starved lover, "Oh, yes, bring out the vibrator! But first... where's the toilet paper?"

I realize that most married men know there's a difference between porn stars and real women. At least I hope most men know that. But deep inside, I wonder how many of them are disappointed by the realities of married sex? And women, too, for that matter? Many of us feel that we can't compete with those stars on TV and for good reason. They don't exist.

I, for one, truly feel that the best sex on the planet is when Rex and I are connected. I don't care if that sounds prudish, or boring. If married men want more sex, and women want to enjoy it, the best foreplay I can think of is trust, communication, and honesty. Oh yeah, and using the bathroom. It's not exciting, but afterwards, everyone will be flush with satisfaction, and that's all that counts.

Posted by Andrea Frazer


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