Naked: Porn for Women
You know what I dislike a lot? Feeling like I am a dour and humorless old woman. You know what makes me feel dour and humorless? A book called Porn For Women, filled with pictures of men doing incredibly sexy things like washing the dishes and vacuuming the floor. Isn't that hilarious? Women don't want sex! What they really want is a man to participate in household chores! They want a penis that knows how to run the dishwasher! Sticking it in, one presumes, is the dude's reward for doing something as shocking and sexy as taking out the garbage.
The book says it is "taking back" porn for women, as if we had asked them to, or it had been stolen. It rests on the total hilarity of the idea that porn is all male-centered deep dicking, and the total impossibility that a man would voluntarily lift a finger. That every lady really spends her hand-down-the-pants time thinking about clean floors and chores. No, you wretched people. It's not funny. The rampaging gender stereotyping on both sides, the suggestion that women are not supposed to enjoy sex (or that they need a penis to do it), the assumption that your average naked and sweaty porn is something that couldn't turn a woman on, the whole idea that the only nasty things a woman thinks about--or should think about--is an unsanitized toilet. Ha ha! It's so funny! Hey, screw you, because what kind of bull----- is that?
My porn will never involve a man looking soulful while he scrubs at a stubborn greasy stain on the carpet. I will never touch myself while I think about a guy Pledging the bookcases with his pants half-unbuttoned. If I even consider thinking that maybe it's kind of hot, a dude in a tank top changing the kitty litter, I want someone to come to my house, beat me within an inch of my life with my own vibrator, and then confiscate it for good. I'm kind of okay with being humorless about this, because you know, it's not really funny.
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