New OTC paternity test saves you an embarrassing visit to The Jerry Springer Show!
Concerned about the paternity of your child, but not interested in whoring you and yours out on any one of those tacky daytime "news" shows? If that's the case, never fear! The long awaited new over the counter Identigene DNA Testing Collection Kit is now available at your local drugstore!
Why, Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern could've saved thousands of dollars in legal fees and international embarrassment if they had access to this far more discreet way to prove fatherhood! Of course, it takes a willing accomplice--both the father-in-question and child must submit to a cheek cell sample (easily gotten with a simple cotton swab, handily included in the kit). The kit is now being sold for just $30 at local Rite Aids and Meijer stores (conveniently located near the at-home pregnancy tests!), although as usual, the fine print is what really trips you up: Unlike your average pregnancy test, if you want to actually get these results, you have to mail in your test and pay a not so insignificant $119.00 laboratory processing fee. Sigh.
Still, this is pretty remarkable. Plus, if for some reason you can't find Identigene at the drugstore in your town, you can still order one online or call 1-800-DNA-TYPE. At the moment, a disclaimer reads that this test won't necessarily hold up in court, but luckily, if you ante up extra cash, "the purchase purchase price of the DNA test kit is good toward any legal DNA testing service offered by IDENTIGENE." Huh.
