Of Lice And Men: Part Deux (When Husbands Make Mistakes!)

So in Part 1 of my dramatic lice infested story, we left off with Super Rex about to fly through the door (unlike lice that cannot fly, only crawl... thank GOD) and comb out all our hair.

"Those lice are sooooo going die," he'd croon every other strand. "Tics I can't fix. (We're talking about Tourettes here, not blood sucking bugs.) "But lice? I can obliterate those."

Three hours later he wiped his hands together in victory. "Done!" With the assurance of a secret agent who'd just blasted the city's most evil villains into eternity, he fell into bed with a satisfied grin.

"Um, baby, are you sure you got them?" I asked.

"Absolutely! I couldn't even see any on Stink's head. That was probably a mis-diagnosis. Or maybe you got them off when you cut his hair."

I wasn't sure I agreed with him, but I was too tired to argue. I put my head - my hopefully clean, lice-free head, on the pillow and slept like a dead nit for eight hours.

The next morning, full of confidence, Rex kissed the kids, patted their little noggins, and wished us luck.

An hour later, I phoned him from the car. "We didn't pass the health office interrogation," I informed him.

"Are you sure?" he shot back. "I could have sworn I got them all."

"No, sweetie, I'm not sure at all. The office manager parting our kids' hair with sharp pencils beneath overhead lighting so bright I could have given birth was completely yanking our chain," I joked back.

He was silent. Apparently my sarcasm before 9am is not that appreciated.

"Honey," I informed him. "You tried really hard, but they're still there. A lot of them. Today it's about Round 2. You ready?"

"Oh, I'm ready," he told me. "To call NitWitty," he answered back.

Nitwitty is none other than a professional lice picking agency. It wasn't cheap, but in 2 hours, the beautiful Rona was able to clean out more eggs than we were able to accomplish in 24 hours.

The moral of the story: Don't be afraid to call in the troupes when you need it.

The bigger question: Why was Rex unwilling to do this the first time around? Was it a male pride thing? Probably.

The biggest point of this post: Who the heck really cares! He came to his senses. Me? I was ready to call Nitwitty quicker than you spell R-I-D but sometimes my husband just needs to feel he tried first.

Maybe you have one of those? Whatever the case, here's hoping you never experience lice.

PS: At the end of our second day, with a clean bill of health, Rex was ready for sex. "My head is still covered in olive oil," I told him. "We spent two days doing 100 loads of laundry. We're out $400.00 between toxic chemicals and professional nit pickers. Are you really in the mood for a poke?"

He really was.

And so we did.

And, like hearing we have no more bugs in our scalps, it was divine.

* Photo from here. Apparently olive oil is not only great for smothering bugs, but it makes your hair shiny and healthy! Plus it's great for hair loss. Who knew? See, even something gross like lice can lead to new info that is helpful. It's so important to stay positive! But who am I kidding - hair bugs are the worst!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Andrea Frazer

Reprinted with Permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.