Office romance gone sour? 6 ways to get over a work breakup
Breaking up isn't on anybody's bucket list, but -- ready or not -- it happens. It's especially difficult when you have to see your ex at meetings, in the office hallways, and in the lunchroom or cafeteria.
My friend Tamara dated a coworker for six months. He decided things weren't working out, and broke up with her (a month before Christmas, two months after she was diagnosed with a semi-serious health problem. b------ !).
"It's heartbreaking to see him every single day at work," she says. "I can't avoid seeing him because we run a business together, and now I'm afraid our business relationship will be ruined too. How do I get over him when he's there all day long?"
Here are my tips for Tamara -- and if you're in her boat, you might find something useful here...
1. Decide if it's easier to find a new job than deal with the drama at work. It may not be easy to find a new job, but it may be better in the long run! It depends on how the relationship ended, how you and your ex are dealing with the breakup, and what type of work relationship you have. You need to weigh the pros and cons of finding a new job versus working with a coworker you dated. Don't make the easiest decision; make the best decision for your career and long-term happiness.
2. Don't talk to your coworkers about the breakup. It's never too late to draw a line between your personal and work lives. Avoid spilling your heart to your coworkers (or at the very least, just confide in one coworker). Remember that hardly anyone can keep a secret, and many people find it irresistible to dish about even their closest friends. Assume that what you tell your friends at work will eventually spread to your other coworkers…and maybe even to the guy you dated.
3. Make a clean break from your ex. One of the standard breakup survival tips is to avoid contact with your ex. But if you work together, it can be difficult or even impossible to avoid each other! Find out if you can work in different departments or divisions. Ask if you can get a transfer to a different location - either in your city or in another state or province. Brainstorm ways to stay employed with the same company, yet avoid contact with your ex.
4. Avoid the temptation to get revenge. If you're angry and hurt because of the breakup, you may be tempted to get back at your ex. Maybe you want to spread rumors, criticize him to your coworkers, or talk about how disappointing he was in bed. Don't do it! Resist the temptation to get revenge. Attempting to get back at him will backfire, prolong the pain, and make you look bad.
5. Take control - find ways to empower yourself. You can't change how you feel or what happened between you and your ex, but you can control what you focus on! You can control what you do, what you talk about, and what you think about. Instead of obsessing about your broken heart, what happened when you dated your coworker, why you broke up, and how heartbroken you feel, focus on other aspects of your life. Think about where you want your life to go. Where do you want to be in one year, or five years? What are your career goals, your life plans? This is the time to take a step back from your current path and look at your life in a new way.
6. Believe in yourself. A relationship breakup - whether it was dating a coworker for six months or leaving a marriage that lasted 25 years - can fill you with insecurity, self-doubt, and fear. And, what you focus on grows. So, don't focus on your pain, heartache, and trepidation about the future. Instead, focus on what you want to do with your life and the type of woman you want to be.
For more breakup help, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen a full-time writer and blogger; she created the "Quips and Tips" blogs:
The Best Ways to... is her newest blog.
