Online Dating, by the Numbers

Juli Weiner


New data from Pew reveals that 11 percent of adults have used online dating sites. Of those 11 percent, 66 percent have actually gone on a date with someone they met through a Web site. Of that 66 percent, more than 50 percent claim that at least one date "seriously misrepresented" himself or herself.

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Of that 50 percent, 0.00001 percent went on a date with Jeremy, an overweight Murray Hill resident who claimed to live in the East Village and enjoy jogging. Of that 0.00001, 100 percent did not think Jeremy ever jogged. Of that 100 percent, 6 percent asked about Jeremy's alleged jogging in a challenging, adversarial way. Of that 6 percent, 90 percent raised their eyebrows and looked at Jeremy's midsection after asking about the aforementioned jogging. Of that 90 percent, 100 percent texted their friends in the bathroom of the bar to let them know that Jeremy "sucked." Of that 100 percent, 80 percent received text messages encouraging the recipient to "get the hell out of there." Of that 80 percent, 20 percent stayed for another drink despite this advice, clinging to a hope that Jeremy would pay for drinks.

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Of that 20 percent who stayed, Jeremy requested 100 percent of the time to "go dutch because N.Y.C."-and he said it like this, "N.Y.C.", like some foreign hillbilly-is "expensive as shiz"-and he actually said "shiz," like an abandoned child that was raised by a pack of frat brothers. Of that 100 percent who were asked to "go dutch," 90 percent said they did not have any cash. To those 90 percent, Jeremy responded 100 percent of the time that he didn't mind "splitting it on two cards."

Harrowing figures-as harrowing, at least, as Jeremy's midsection.

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