Can You Identify the Common Thread in Your String of Bad Relationships?

Are YOU the common denominator in your bad relationships?Are YOU the common denominator in your bad relationships?
By Kelli Cooper for

For the most part, we are often blind to the role we are playing in the problems in our lives, whether we are constantly facing financial struggle or finding ourselves in one bad relationship after another. We blame everything outside of ourselves for our less than desirable lot in life. We say we have bad luck. We go into victim mode.

Well, what I am about to say may sting a bit, but in reality, it is one of the most empowering ideas because it suggests you have complete control over cultivating exactly what you want in life, including healthy, loving romantic relationships. The only thing your bad relationships have in common is YOU! There is a reason that you keep finding yourself in bad relationships and it has nothing to do with the people you are meeting, fate or a cruel higher power. It has to do with you and you alone.

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On a conscious level, this idea is very hard to accept; it sounds preposterous. Who would seek out incompatible partners, who would put themselves through all that, who would purposely deny themselves happiness? You believe you are a good person and you love yourself of course! But, you are doing it to yourself. This is not meant to lay blame on you. While you are responsible, this does not mean you deserve the bad things that have happened, the heartache, the struggle.

Like I said, on a conscious level, this makes no sense. But, it is the part of you, the part of your mind that operates below your conscious awareness that is calling the shots. This deeper part of you holds many limiting beliefs, many negative views about yourself and they are very, very powerful; they steer the course of your life without you even knowing what is going on most of the time.

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If you are constantly ending up with people who disrespect you and treat you badly, it is because on some level, you have issues with your self-worth and you believe this is what you deserve. You may lament never meeting a man as worldly, educated, financially well-off or successful as you, but if you grew up always observing your father put down your mother, on a subconscious level, you may be seeking out men who will not be able to do that to you, men who are ''beneath'' you in some way.

If you find yourself constantly striking out in the romance department, I urge you to really examine yourself and your past relationships. With some honest self-reflection, I assure you patterns will emerge, you will begin to realize why you are attracting the people you are attracting. This experience may be uncomfortable, but it can open up a whole new world of self-understanding. It can help you avoid toxic relationships and seek out people who are better matches. You are not at the mercy of some outside force that has destined you to be unlucky in love and alone forever. The power to create the relationships you desire is within you.

If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life, can help you find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.

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Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who runs the personal development blog
Life Made to Order . She is also the author of Passing on Parenthood: A Childfree Woman Speaks Out . She has a passion for personal development and sharing what she has learned in her own journey to help others improve their lives as well.