Opposites May Attract, But Can They Last?
By Erica Conte, BounceBack.com Editorial Staff
Sometimes in relationships, we find ourselves attracted to people who could not be more different from us. This is more common than we think, for as humans we are naturally drawn to differences because it is exciting. Ultimately we want to find someone that will complement us, whether it is an extrovert to complement an introvert or even a vegetarian to complement a junk food nut.
Differences can bring people together because we are all looking for ways to improve (and essentially complete) ourselves. Although the excitement of opposites attracting surely keeps the relationship interesting, does it have the potential to turn into a long-term success?
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If you and your partner are brought together solely by your vast differences in personality and interests, then the probability of the relationship growing is slim. If you look beyond those differences and find that you have similar values and goals in life, then that is the glue that makes you not so different after all. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone completely opposite from you, but it is important to know his/her values soon into the relationship to determine if a partnership would actually work for the both of you.
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If you are currently with someone that is your opposite and the relationship is no longer working for you, try to remember what actually drew you to your partner in the first place. If you realize that you were solely drawn to the unique differences between the two of you, then that is not substantial enough of a reason to continue the relationship. In order for two opposites to work, there need to be strong elements of communication and respect from both partners. If there are differences that go deeper, beyond food or TV preferences, then as long as there is a mutual respect the relationship has the potential to grow.
Unfortunately there are bigger differences besides TV preferences that can cause a relationship between opposites to end. Some of the most challenging differences include money, cultural/family background, class, education, and intimacy, but there are plenty more that cause friction and strife.
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It is common to have a different upbringing from your partner because every family is unique. However, having a similar upbringing to a partner immediately connects the two of you together on a personal level. Different backgrounds and upbringings can either contribute the qualities gained from them to the relationship or they can truly divide a couple, preventing a long-term relationship to work out. Intimacy is also a big challenge is relationships, especially if a partner is more open and communicative than the other. Communication is essential in all relationships, but it is more imperative in relationships that are founded on the two partners already having differences.
All of these challenges can either make or break a relationship. In order for a relationship between two opposites to flourish, both partners must not only have similar values and goals, but they must also be fully aware of and respect one another's differences.
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Are you currently dating or have you dated someone who was completely different from you? What brought you two together? If it didn't work out, why not? What other advice would you give to a couple who could not be more opposite from each other but want it to last?
Erica Conte is a recent graduate of Ithaca College where she studied English and Journalism. Erica resides in New Jersey and enjoys traveling, theatre, the ocean, and any book by David Sedaris.
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