part 2 - Ten Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex With a Man

8 Controlling him by withdrawing sex

One of the most unhealthy things you can do in a relationship is to use sex as a weapon. This is basically a statement that you feel powerless, that you think withholding sex is the only way you can get what you want. Rather than trying to exert some influence over your man by denying him the pleasure of your body, try communicating directly what you want and don't want. (That might even extend to simply saying you don't feel emotionally close enough to your partner to want sex.)

9 Thinking he'll feel the same way about your body that you do

It just isn't so. Men don't attach the judgments to women's bodies that women do. So, for example, even if he thinks your butt really is a bit on the large side, it won't matter to him the way it matters to you. In fact, he probably quite likes it. And he certainly won't be put off making love, or want the lights off, because of it. While you waste time and emotional energy wondering if you're completely undesirable because of some aspect of your body, he'll never give it a second thought. It's women who judge their bodies, I think for the sake of comparison with other women, not men.

10 Not making up with sex after an argument

Well, yes, I know that a lot of couples do make up with sex when they've had an argument, but in fact many more don't. As I said above, most women think that they need to be feeling loving and emotionally close before they want sex. Yet I've met a lot of couples in my work as a sexual therapist who have found that taking the risk and jumping into bed can work really well as a way of getting close again.

Even if you don't feel sexy or loving when you start making love, after a while the simple act of being physically connected in bed can really change the way you feel about each other. The other way of settling an argument (that's talking, seeking understanding, and thrashing out how you feel) is fine: but once in a while try a more direct method of getting your feelings back on track - just go to bed together!

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