Perpetual Bachelorette: Is Reality Television Toxic for Your Love Life?
By Patia Braithwaite for BounceBack.com
Confession: I ADORE reality television and the trashier it is, the more I enjoy it. (Does anyone remember Tila Tequila's show?) That said, as I flip from ABC to E! watching women with tear-stained faces all professing to be "here for love," I have to wonder if this crap is seeping into my own relationships. Am I waiting for a fairy tale moment that may (or may not) come? Do I tend to go for explosive dramatic fights? As I watch these women who claim to want the same things I do, I have to wonder if I'm making some of their mistakes. Is reality television ruining my love life?
Here are a few of my observations:
The illusion of lack: Whether it's 7 strangers picked to live in a house, or 30 girls all battling for that coveted rose, reality television sends the message that good men are hard to find (though trashy women are, apparently everywhere). I'm an avid watcher of trash TV, but the truth is that these shows send the message that it's okay (or at least entertaining) for folks claw each other's eyes out (and faint) for the affections of one man. When I was 16 and pining away for a certain football player with green eyes, my brother told me an age old truth: Boys are like buses, if you miss one another will come along 15 minutes later. While all men may not be created equal, the pickings aren't slim enough to live like contestants on The Bachelor.
The fairy tale trumps reality: Did anyone else catch the season finale of Kourtney and Kim Take New York? Well, the thing that struck me (beyond the fact that she weighed her decision to end her marriage about as heavily as one decides who to take to prom), was her overwhelming usage of the term "fairy tale." If I turned every utterance of "fairy tale" into a drinking game, I would've been drunk in 20 minutes. When did we become so preoccupied with manufacturing movie moments and chasing fairy tales that we forgot about the sweet and savory flavors of real life? Reality TV teaches us (provided that we're taking notes), that life is about the music, the kissing in the hot tub or the moment where we've been "picked." Real life, with its morning breath, weight gain, and bad hair days might be less aesthetically pleasing, but it's deeper, more personal, and more soul-affirming.
You've got to fight for your right…to be happy?: My favorite thing about reality television is the fighting. I live for the hair-pulling, drink-throwing brawls. That said, the fighting sends the message that we've got to fight for a good man. While there might be some scheming involved in snagging your crush's affections, we don't need to pull out the B-word and start snatching hair extensions. The Bachelorette is the tamest of my favorite romantic reality TV shows, but the arguing and backstabbing involved sends a bad message about what it takes to find love.
Whether you pattern your love life after Snooki from Jersey Shore, or you're simply a real-life Trista looking for her Ryan, reality television (just like all other media), must be kept in healthy perspective. If you find that your expectations and actions are being shaped by The Bachelor (or Flava of Love), it might be time to turn the television off.
BounceBack.com helps people find happiness in the right relationship. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life, BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.
Patia Braithwaite is a memoirist and relationship writer. Check out her blog: www.menmyselfandgod.com
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The 10 Worst Ways to Break Up With Someone
