Pros and Cons of Having a Sexual Relationship with Your Ex

Make Up Sex Without Making UpMake Up Sex Without Making Up

Posted by Jesse De La Hoz for BounceBack.com

Relationships are hard. Breakups can be even harder, but are you setting yourself up for heartache if you continue to have sex with the person your ending it with? Recently a friend going through a divorce told me she had sex with her ex. She wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do but she was not upset about it.

I've seen enough of Dr. Phill to know that having sex with an ex when you still want to end the relationship probably isn't a good idea. But as my friend mentioned to me when I interviewed her for this story, she lives in the real world. A discussion of a few pros and cons can assist someone in realizing what takes priority to them to make the right decision.


Pro: Familiar sex

There is a familiarity when having sex with your ex. It is hard to start fresh with someone new so it's not hard to imagine why one would go back. My friend agrees, and is the reason she had done it before. "It's not easy for women to just start having sex with someone new. That's the main reason why I did it again after a breakup" she says.


Pro: Confirmation

The ending of a relationship can be devastating. It doesn't matter who is the one ending it. Having sex again with an ex can put the nail in the coffin if you are unsure if ending the relationship is the right thing to do. "It pretty much confirmed it for me. Nothing changed. I made the mistake but I am still ending it" says my friend who is continuing to seek her divorce even after her slip up with the ex. "I don't necessarily regret it but I wont be doing that again" she said.

Related: The Bed Friend


Con: Looking for trouble

The first thing one would look at in making this decision is the consequences of such actions. If you are seeking to end the relationship, sleeping with them can give them (or yourself) false hope. This can lead to an ugly period during your breakup or divorce. In the case of divorce, as my friend is in, it can complicate matters if the divorce is not final.


Con: Don't like what you see

A person may not like themselves after having sex with their ex. You may have to ask yourself if you are trying to have the upper hand in the ending of the relationship. It may be an ego boost to know that your ex still wants to be with you, at least intimately but does that truly make you feel proud of yourself. You may need to look in the mirror and see if you like what you see.

Related: What We Can Learn From Our Failed Relationships

Relationships are hard and breakups are even harder. It seems to me that if something can bring complications then a good rule of thumb is to not make things worse. Both ladies interviewed for this story said they wouldn't have sex with an ex if they want to end it again. So think about it and make your own pros and cons. You just be surprised with what is a priority to you.


Coming Soon! BounceBack's 4 Phase Recovery Program: Developed by a psychologist and customized for you, our 4 Phase Program has everything you need to find happiness after heartbreak.

Find out more about the full BounceBack 4 Phase Program, coming this fall, by clicking here.


BounceBack.com helps people find happiness in the right relationship. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life,BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.


More articles on BounceBack.com:

The Number One Reason Couples Rarely Stay Together


There is Enough Happiness to Go Around

When You Just Want to Punch Something (or Someone)

Is It Okay to Have a Relationship With Your Ex's Family?