Queeries: How to fight the holiday blues?
Q: I find it hard not to get the blues, especially as New Year's approaches. Any advice that precludes medsJ
A: Oh, this question. First, please try to forget those Currier and Ives images from the black and white era. If anything, the great holiday dash - from Thanksgiving to New Year's - raises the emotional jackpot to record levels, especially for LGBT folks. Aside from Seasonal Affective Disorder, a health condition associated with this time of year and increased depression, many LGBT people find more challenges in their day-to-day living during these months. Many of us are estranged from our families or are returning to homes where we're not fully accepted because of our sexual identity. We may be bringing home a new partner or dealing silently with a break-up or an illness or simply the burden of family expectations. Young gay people may still be closeted or not out at home (but elsewhere) and find themselves returning, if only for a short while, to their closet. Bruce Weiss, executive director of the Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League in Washington, D.C., explained to the Washington Blade: "Many gay youths and young adults have a hard time during the holiday season because they experience some level of oppression, 'either from their community at large, their church or their families.' It's hard because they are surrounded by all these images of an ideal family, which many don't experience," he said. "And if you do have a family, they are less than ideal." Similarly, the holidays can be especially burdensome to lesbians, who as women, are often designated the defacto family caretaker. One lesbian asked rhetorically: "Do you bring your lover home and be harassed? Or do you not bring your lover home, and be alone?"
Ok, enough of the downers.
So, yes, there's lots you can do without drugs:
If you're not wanted by your family or are uncomfortable with them, create your own extended family and traditions. I've always appreciated the difference writer Armistead Maupin ("Tales of the City") makes when he talks about the "biologicals" (your blood family) and the "logicals" (those whom you choose to love). Most years my partner and I have our closest friends over for Christmas Eve dinner and tree decorating and then we go see his huge family on Christmas Day. But not always. So, mix it up. Own it.
Volunteer. There's nothing like getting out and helping others this time of year. So many non-profits put on holiday dinners; get out your apron and dish with a spoon. Even if you're feeling fine, volunteer. (See above for more on volunteering.)
Keep expectations in check. You know the inner voice: "This will be the best New Year's ever!" More than anything psychologists say it's the expectations game that does us in. Do your best to keep it real and real simple.
Reduce or eliminate the symbolism of gift giving. Money and gifts are not barometers of our feelings. We're already burdened by so much credit card debt; try.
Happy New Year!
Visit Steven on the Web at www.gayandlesbianmanners.com or send him your question: queeries@live.com
