Get Real (Not Fake) with Your Orgasms

Couple In Bed

How frequently (and how volubly) do women fake having an orgasm? It's impossible to really know, since fakers don't usually tell the truth about their faking. And why should they? If you're already into the habit of dissembling, what would be the point of coming clean?

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Speaking from my own experience and the experiences of women who confide in me, I can safely say that almost every woman has at some time pretended to have an orgasm when she didn't. No doubt because of my professional expertise about sex, lots of women, many of them virtually strangers, confide in me what's going on with them sexually. They feel, quite rightly, that their secrets are safe. What I do know is that many women sometimes fake their pleasure.

Why fake? Well, sometimes because it's the kindest thing to do, and the best way to get back to sleep. How is it kind, even an act of generosity, to pretend you had an orgasm when you didn't? Because your partner wants to know you're satisfied, because your satisfaction is a large part of his pleasure.

Other reasons why women fake have more to do with ego. Theirs, not his. Pretending you've had an orgasm allows you to hold on to your belief (and your public image) that you're super hot and sexy. It keeps the image intact that you're "all woman," i.e. highly sexed and attractive. Because what's sexier to a man than a woman in the throes of orgasm? Not much, really, which is why images of women caught up in orgasm are among the most popular sites of pornographic traffic.

Can faking it ever hurt a woman? Yes. It's a sad but true fact that once you start faking, it's a hard habit to break. Many women who find it difficult to orgasm give up trying because it's so easy to fake instead. Who's being more cheated here - him or her? Rather than seeking solutions to be able to once again really enjoy the fruits of sex, the woman relies on faking, which becomes a dead end.

Faking it, however, can sometimes lead to the real thing. Ever heard the expression, "Fake it until you make it"? That phrase is most often applied to career management, but it can work for you in bed as well, because imitating the sounds and the physical movements of orgasm can actually trigger a real orgasm. It's been proven that the more auditory the experience for a woman, the greater her enjoyment. Plus the outward signals of intense sexual pleasure, i.e. deep breathing, rolling your hips, elevating your lower body off the bed, even in imitation of the real thing, can produce an orgasm. Try it!

Eve Marx is the author of eight sex books. Her titles include "What's Your Sexual IQ?," "Flirtspeak: The Sexy Language Of Flirtation," "The Goddess Orgasm," and "101 Things You Didn't Know About Sex."

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