What He Really Wants for Christmas This Year

Sex, admits our manly gift expert, Aaron Traister. But you don't have to present yourself naked with a big red bow. Unless you want to. By Aaron Traister, REDBOOK.

It's that time of year again, when you look deep into your partner's eyes and wonder, What the heck should I get him for the holidays? Never fear, I can tell you exactly what to give him. Here's a hint: It's fun, affordable, and you don't have to do any "door busting" to get your hands on it. That's right, it's sex! Walk right by those ties and golf clubs and video games. Literally, all we want for Christmas this year, next year, and every year is sex. And you want it too (right?). Feeling young and appreciated is a gift you'll both enjoy, so check out these amazingly simple D.I.Y. ideas that will knock his elf off the shelf, heat up the old yule log, and generally kick any holiday-themed euphemism up a notch. Ho, ho, ho, and away we go!

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Send the kids far away for 36 hours
Look, I love my kids like a goat loves garbage, and of course I want to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with them and share in their joy, blah blah blah. But like most modern dads, I spend nearly every free moment with them, witnessing sweetness and wonder on a daily basis. And when my wife, Karel, gets home from work, she wants to focus on the kids too (understandably). So that means there is a lot of family time compared with very little Aaron-and-Karel time. Sharing a private interlude is like seeing a moose in the wild, especially if you live in Arizona--unusual and pretty exciting. So when it comes to Christmas, all Karel needs to do is wander over halfway through the present-opening festivities and whisper in my ear, "Tomorrow the kids are going to their cousins' house for the whole day, and then they're sleeping over. That's your present: 36 hours of just me, with no kids." I would start to cry--literally weep tears of salty, kid-free, alone-with-my-wife joy. I would not need any other present. And there's a bonus in it for her, too, because what mom doesn't want a little time as someone other than "Mom"? We could spend half the day naked in bed, messing around and reading. I could drink coffee next to my hot nude wife, and we would only have to get up to make more coffee and let the dog out! It would be like we were 22 again, only we would appreciate our freedom a billion times more than we did then.

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Erotic holiday card? Yes, please.
In a season when our mailboxes are stuffed with pictures of people we haven't thought about all year wearing unfortunate sweaters, I think it would be a nice change of pace to get a holiday photo card with a personalized message to me from someone I think about a lot--one where she's not wearing an ugly sweater. Oh, wait, maybe there is some sort of ugly sweater involved, but… never mind. I'm not talking about sexting a quick selfie here: I'm talking about a classy and sexy photographic present of yourself, less clothed than the world normally sees you. Yes, you do have the body for it, and this is a great chance to build your sexual confidence while making your dude very, very, very, very happy. I've never gotten one of these, but that doesn't mean I don't want one. Hear that, Karel? You read this, right?

Make us a list
You know how we never know what to get you? Please make us a list of the romantic desires you harbor that we can fulfill over the next several long, dark months of winter. Anything goes. Imagine how much sunnier it will feel in early February when you come home from work to find that your guy is busy crossing off number 3 on your holiday wish list: "Have husband prepare a quiet dinner for two wearing nothing but a thong and a Hamburglar mask." (I'm not here to judge.)

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Get dressed up, then get undressed
For the last five years, Karel and I have made a point of having a night sometime close to Christmas where we put on fancy (or, in my case, clean) clothes and go out by ourselves. We pick a nice restaurant, we drink wine, we eat seafood, and then we walk off the booze and bread by checking out the lights and the shop windows. And we end our evening like we did when we were first dating: in the backseat of our Honda. This is one of the things I most look forward to during the holiday season. It's not just about the sex, although that's pretty cool. Looking as good as you can for your partner--and not because you've RSVP'd yes to a party--is important, and the holidays provide an excuse to treat each other really well for an evening. On a random night in December, there's the sense that you're celebrating something without the pressure of a birthday or Valentine's Day. It's a night where we give what's most precious in the season of competing obligations: the gift of 100-percent attention to each other.

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