My Reason, Eh, Excuse, for Being Single Is.

Party girlI've been single for almost four years now (legally, about two and a half). Ironically, my most vibrant days of being single came just a couple months into my separation.
No, I'm not easy, just curious after having almost no experience with other men after a long, long term relationship.
Since that time, I've made tremendous leaps in the growth department. Namely, I realized that "having fun in the moment" was killing my chances at making a deep connection with someone. And I really, really crave that at this point.
I've spoken with and read from many people like me going through the motions of singledom and there's any number of reasons why we're still single. Some of us choose this over "putting up with someone," while others are just "unlucky in love." All in all, the reasons are mostly excuses.
We naturally seek love and caring in a romantic partner.
As a tribute to my single brothers and sisters, here's a list of most popular reasons (ahem, *cough* excuses *cough*) why we aren't embracing a mate in a committed relationship:
"All men/women are jerks/gold-diggers that are out to use you. I'm better off alone." I used to take part in this camp until I realized I was putting on a clown outfit and fooling myself. I knew there were good men and women out there as well, but rather than have patience and weed through the riff-raff, many of us get jaded by a few bad dates and assume the worst.
"I'm happier being single. If a really good catch comes along, I may change my mind." This is a popular (excuse). Translation: "I really would like to be with someone, but after having been burned so many times, I'm too scared to admit I miss the closeness." Unfortunately, the people with this attitude have already given up steps to connect with people, so their quest to maintain a single status has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
"I'm not going to settle. It will take quite a catch to take me out of the single dating pool." It could be true, but it could be a sign that someone has already become jaded about meeting someone they will fall in love with. Or better put: Someone who won't abandon them. The fear of rejection is all too fresh in their memory and they may have gone outside their comfort zone to make a connection. Even the nerdy, unattractive and mismatched date ended up rejecting them, so self-defense has become a knee-jerk reaction. It's a sad state of singledom, but all too real.
"I haven't met the right person yet." Like the last one, it could be a facade for not being proactive in the single scene. Being a hermit who stays home weekends and after hours is no way to meet your next partner. And subsequently, if he or she were out living their lives abundantly, most certainly they would meet a prospect that could be a good match.
Single for life."My picker is broken." In other words, he or she uses this excuse for not being selective enough with whom they date. In actuality, you can be the one who "picks" the right match, but it takes some discipline. Stop settling for the jerks/gold-diggers!
"All the men/women in my age group want young and attractive mates." Again, reality or excuse? Do you really think that's true? I'm in my forties and would prefer a guy my age, but yeah, the hot, young, hard body sounds good.... for about 10 minutes. Then when similar values, intelligence, resonating with someone and common interest for now and the future come into play, the 20-somethings seem to fall off the radar. So how unusual am I?
"Nobody wants to be in a committed relationship anymore." Do you? So do I. So that just dispelled that myth. Twice.
"Everyone who's a good catch is married or in a committed relationship." Again, I'm someone who is a good catch that's so single it rings in my ears. And yet, it doesn't bother me. So there must be an equal and opposite version of me out there. Hey, in a world of several billion people, I think there's more than one guy for me who would fit the bill.
"I'm too old/fat/ugly/poor/insert excuse here to find someone." Once and for all, let's clear the air, shall we? You are never anything above or beyond to find love. Ever. Enough said. There is literally someone out there for everyone. How much are you willing to open yourself to love? If you are ready and able to give and receive love, with time, you will find someone. Stop building your wall of excuses. Or wait, "reasons" why you can't find love.
If you'd like to get personal advice and tips on improving your love life, I'd love to hear from you. My website is soon to be launched, but you can follow me on San Diego Single Parent Dating Examiner until then. What are your reasons (excuses) for being single? Send me a message or post one below!