Relationship Advice From John Mayer

Michael Rozman/Warner BrosOn the heels of his highly-publicized March breakup with Katy Perry, 28, singer John Mayer, 35, appeared on "The Ellen Degeneres Show" on Tuesday wearing "that hat" and shedding light on their on-again, off-again relationship. "Listen," he says. "It was a very private relationship going in. It was a private relationship during and it's a private relationship, still. I can understand asking the question." He added, "I'm on the same journey as everyone else. Coupling is a tricky thing." Mayer has lots of experience "coupling" with some of the most sought-after women in the world—Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, and Taylor Swift are only a few names on his dating roster. And in addition to being the King of TMI, he's also been known to coin his own brand of relationship wisdom. Here are some of his best gems.

Always get the last word: In 2008, fresh off a workout and possibly suffering from low blood sugar, Mayer held an impromptu press conference outside his New York City gym, clarifying to reporters that he was the one who had in fact ended his relationship with ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston (not the other way around, okay?). "Have somebody stand up for somebody. Have me as a man who ended a relationship… stand up for somebody, write that Jennifer Aniston is the smartest most sophisticated woman I’ve ever met. People are different, people have different chemistry, they have different lives. It’s not about years, it’s about going out with somebody, being truthful on the way in, being truthful in the middle and being truthful on the way out. You’re either a cheater, or you break up, and I’m not the first, I’m the second one. And that’s it, there’s no lying, there’s no bullshit, I just don’t want to be followed around NY City like an animal.” Then when asked if he was dating anyone new, Mayer re-emphasized that he was the dumper, not the dumped. “I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don’t want to waste somebody’s time if something's not right.…” OK, we get it!

Sometimes relationships end for "life reasons": During a Playboy interview in December 2012, Mayer spoke of Aniston again, saying he respected her feelings, then went on to disrespect their relationship. He said: "We just have a regard for each other's feelings that is pretty intense. It's been a deep relationship, and it's no longer taking place at all. Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons?...One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting. There was a rumor that I had been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules...I'll always be sorry that it didn't last. In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can't change the fact that I need to be 32.'" Sadly, he also can't change the fact that he gave this interview.

Kiss and tell: In that same Playboy interview, Mayer channeled a school boy in a locker room by over-sharing what ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson, whom he dated for nine months in 2006, was like in bed. "That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me... Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm...There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*ckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep f*cking you.'" When asked by Oprah how she handled the betrayal, Simpson said, "I haven't written back. I don't accept it ... I hope he gets his life together." Sing it, Jessica!

Add unnecessary relationship drama whenever possible:
When addressing his comments toward Aniston and Simpson on NPR's radio show "All Things Considered", Mayer chalked up his remarks to a fear of being perceived boring. "And so, when it came time to do these interviews where I had nothing to say--I was going through a time in my life where I didn't really want to share what was going on, but I didn't want to be boring," he said. "I got in the worst trouble, ever, over and over again in my life from the time I was four till two years ago because I didn't want to be boring."

Dish it out but refuse to take it: When Taylor Swift's song "Dear John" hit the airwaves shortly after she and Mayer were romantically linked in 2009, there was little mystery over whom the song was dedicated to. Some of Swift's lyrics included: "Dear John, I see it all, now it was wrong/Don't you think 19 is too young to be played by your dark twisted games, when I loved you so?" During a June interview with Rolling Stone, Mayer addressed Swift's lyrics saying, "I never got an e-mail. I never got a phone call. I was really caught off-guard, and it really humiliated me at a time when I'd already been dressed down. I mean, how would you feel if, at the lowest you've ever been, someone kicked you even lower?" Swift's response to Mayer's claims that the song was about him? "How presumptuous!" 

Avoid diverse dating experiences: During that infamous Playboy interview, Mayer was asked whether African-American women are drawn to him and the singer implied that his lack of diverse female fans was a result of the "stay away" vibes he put out. He said: "I don't think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin' David Duke c*ck. I'm going to start dating separately from my d*ck." He then went on to call out Holly Robinson Peete, Karyn Parsons and Kerry Washington as women the women he was most attracted to. Lucky gals.