Are Relationships Getting in Your Way from Becoming Your Best Self?

By Kelli Cooper for BounceBack.com

A lot of things on the outside can affect us for better and often times, for worse. One of the greatest influences is the people we surround ourselves with. Who we spend our time with, whether it is friends, family, partner or co-workers has a huge impact on our mood, habits, behaviors and ways of thinking.

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When it comes to becoming our best self and making significant strides towards the life we really want, the other people in our lives often present one of the biggest barriers to significant change. Trying to change when everyone around you is continuing to be who they have always been can pose numerous challenges and create uncomfortable situations that have the potential to derail your efforts.

When we really begin to live more consciously and make deliberate choices regarding our life, one of the things that we really become aware of is how we are spending our time and who we are spending it with. If you want to work on changing yourself or changing things about your life, you may make an uncomfortable realization that certain relationships in your life do not support this noble goal. This is not to say that you can only surround yourself with people who are exactly like you in every way and share the same goals, beliefs and values, but you will likely gravitate more towards people like that. You will naturally want to seek out relationships with people who can relate to your journey or are already where you hope to be someday.

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It does not automatically mean that anyone in your life now must be shut out or that the relationship is doomed for failure, but you may need to do some honest assessments of who you are spending your time with and how that affects you achieving the things you want. This may involve certain relationships naturally running their course, limiting time with certain people, actively cutting ties or having some uncomfortable conversations about how some things need to change for the relationship to continue.

If you are trying to reduce negativity in your life, you may need to do something about your relationship with your co-worker that is solely built on complaining about your job and talking trash about other people in the office. If you want to cut back on drinking or drug use, you may have to reevaluate a romantic relationship built on these activities. If you have big dreams and ambitions that reach far beyond what the other people in your life are doing, you may need to limit your time to shield yourself from their negativity, pessimism and limited thinking to prevent it from infecting you.

Related: Whatever You Believe Will Be True To You

All of this can be scary. It may involve breaking up with a person you always thought you would spend your life with or moving on from friendships you have had your whole life. You may face criticism from people who do not like the new you because it no longer serves their needs. People may think that you think you are ''better'' than them and interpret your desire to better your life as a direct criticism of how they live theirs. You may need to engage in a level of honesty that is uncomfortable for most people.

When it comes down to it, there is no blanket formula to apply so you can know what to do in each situation. Your feelings can serve as your guide and they will steer you in the right direction. You may not like the answers they are giving you, but they know. Change is scary and the changes we often need to make to really be and live how we truly want can be difficult and unpleasant, but they are necessary. If the people in your life are negatively impacting your journey, you need to do something about it because the pull of other people is one of the strongest forces outside of us and when this force is working for the worse instead of the better, the results can be disastrous.


Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who runs the personal development blog Life Made to Order . She is also the author of Passing on Parenthood: A Childfree Woman Speaks Out .She has a passion for personal development and sharing what she has learned in her own journey to help others improve their lives as well.

BounceBack.com helps people find happiness in the right relationship. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life,BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.

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