The 8 Rules of Text Messaging in Relationships: When It's OK, and when It's Not
By Elliot Yoo for BounceBack.com
Much has been said and written about the role of texting in relationships and rightly so. In today's age it is growing increasingly rare, almost impossible, to find a couple who doesn't text each other on a regular basis. But with this new form of communication comes new social rules and expectations, ones which don't always match up from person to person. Furthermore, because of the loss of things like body language and voice intonations, texting often means messages get misinterpreted and lost in translation which can lead to all sorts of unsavory problems. At the end of the day texting can be and is a useful tool, however learning when it's ok to use it, and when it's not ok, could mean the difference between a successful relationship and a botched one.
WHEN IT'S NOT OK:
1) Asking somebody out on a first date - It's true that in a lot of ways the rules of dating today have become a lot more relaxed. Many couples don't even bother officially becoming an exclusive couple, but merely somewhere along the way tacitly agree upon it. However, a real date just between the two of you in this day and age, is yes, still a real date. While the select-few may be okay with being asked out via text message, I'd wager that most still aren't. Why run that risk? A phone call at the very least, but face-to-face still remains the best option.
Related: Why Is "Hard to Get" So Hard? Why We Love and Hate the Dating Chase
2) Talking about an issue - Talking about an issue that has been bothering you in your relationship bears no place whatsoever in a text message. Nothing is more infuriating, nor ridiculous, than having your anger and opinions lead to a series of fast and furious thumbs on a cell phone. At most, leave it to something like "we need to talk", and do it over the phone or in person.
3) Drunk texting - A relatively new phenomena that has reared its ugly head in the dating world, like any other activity that requires a degree of rational thought, text messaging your significant other after too many drinks is a bad idea. First off, with the complete loss of visual and vocal cues, the recipient won't be able to tell that you've had a few drinks unless your text is littered with wild typos. The bigger problem however is that without the person in front of us, it can give the strange sensation of not being a real conversation, which may lead to you saying all sorts of things you'll want to take back the next day.
Related: 3 Simple Rules for Winning the Multi-Player Dating Game
4) Breaking up - It's hard to imagine anything more disrespectful to a person, and a relationship than by ending it via text message. Granted it is understandable that all sorts of things can happen between people, and that relationships often end in the ugliest of ways. However no matter what the scenario, out of respect for yourself, for the other person, even if they don't deserve it, and for what was, do it in person.
Related: 5 Warning Signs That It's Time To Break Up
WHEN IT'S OK:
1) Show a little love - Short, sweet, and sexy text messages are appreciated by all regardless of level of toughness. A bad day can immediately be bettered by a sweet text message, one that simply shows that you've been thinking about them. If you start to delve into the realm of a sexy text message, just make sure it doesn't get too explicit or lewd, because a phone is still not a bank vault.
Related: Are we or Aren't We? How to Tell if You're A Couple
2) Plan a date - While as stated earlier, it is not okay to ask somebody out on a first date through text, it is okay to do so once the relationship has developed a more solid foundation. By solid foundation I mean that you've been on at least four or five dates and are comfortable with each other. In today's working world it can be tough to find the time to make plans with somebody, and text messages are a great solution to that. Just make sure that when you finally get together, the phone is away and you give each other attention.
3) Before a date - A little flirting in the build up to an already planned date(not the first one) is great when you are still getting to know each other. It can be a great ice-breaker for any that still exists, and simultaneously builds up anticipation to when the two of you finally meet up.
Related: The Frequency Factor: Communication During Early Dating
4) After a date - Following up a date with a short sweet message that expresses the great time you had with them, is the perfect cherry on top to a nice evening. You may be wondering at this point why the emphasis on "short messages" for all of the "when it's ok" rules and there is a reason for that. That reason is once text messages start delving into expressing anything more than simple emotions, things can and do go array by misreading and mistranslations. Stick to the short and simple.
These are just a few tips that may help you successfully use text messaging in a relationship. Stick with these and it'll be a tool that helps rather than harms your relationship. Can you think of any other rules that apply?
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