Secret "swingers" Sex Club: Key to Universe?

Does the smartest man on earth know the secrets to good sex? (Getty)
Does the smartest man on earth know the secrets to good sex? (Getty)

Has Stephen Hawking, the godfather of modern physics, who recently declared his disbelief in an afterlife, found heaven on earth?

Radar Online reports Hawking has been seen at Freedom Acres, the country's largest full-blown swinger's club. A source tells the site he's a "regular" at the Orange County, California club, and that he brings an "entourage of nurses"as his dates. It's hard to imagine the twice-married Hawking in Orange County, let alone a sex club. It's also worth noting that Freedom Acres hosts a "nurse and doctor" themed costume night so this piece of gossip is very, very suspect. But Freedom Acres is very, very real. And if there's a slight chance the guy who explained the space time continuum frequents it, he's probably onto something.

The entrance to Club FA. You want to turn around already, don't you? (via clubfa.com)
The entrance to Club FA. You want to turn around already, don't you? (via clubfa.com)

After a winding journey through Freedom Acres' website, I've been enlightened.

A throwback to the group orgy clubs of the 70s, Freedom Acres is decorated like the first half of Boogie Nights. Couples pay a $40 membership fee, take a "phone interview" where they're debriefed on swinger etiquette and sign a release form before they even get the exact coordinates of this dungeon of excess.

A massive, petri dish Jacuzzi whirs on one floor ("bathing suits not required") a pole-equipped dance floor bounces to house music on another. Then there's the Blue Room, a maze of communal floor mattress, mirrored walls, private bed cubby holes and an endless loop of porn on TV screens.

There aren't many photos of the clientele on the website, but certain descriptive details suggest the kind of crowd who's as concerned with continental breakfasts as they are group sex. "A snack buffet is served nightly and coffee and donuts are served on Sunday mornings." Re: older people.

On an average night about 160 couples mix and mingle ("the club discourages cliques"). Some people just watch, others want to be watched. Donn, ex -husband of Real Housewives or Orange County's Vicki Gunlavson, allegedly prefers the latter.

Donn? Is that you?
Donn? Is that you?



But there's more to swinging than that, according to Clubfa.com. In fact there's a whole language. "Closed swinging is being with another partner in another room or area where you are separated from your partner. Open swinging is being with another couple in the same area."

Everything is fair game at Freedom Acres, as long as it's not in the dance area where new members nervously wonder if they've made a huge mistake coming. The Blue Room is for more of the "heavy sexual activity," that might scare a newbie off. Even condoms aren't required. "Most men don't like to use condoms...this is a discussion for you to have with the other couple before you get to the sexual part!" So it's apparently still the 70s at Freedom Acres.

Here's the dance club area, designed to look like a totally normal club for 1973. (via clubfa.com)
Here's the dance club area, designed to look like a totally normal club for 1973. (via clubfa.com)

It's hard to believe a genius like Hawking, who's spent his life fighting a degenerative disease, would put his health at risk for a little hot tub action. Still, I can't help looking for clues to the universe on the FA website.

For many, the draw of a swingers atmosphere is the all-accepting nature. Couples are opening the door their bedroom in a public space, and that inclusiveness seems to be infectious. (I'm just basing this on some positive yelp reviews).

Some of the frequently asked questions are profound out of context: "What makes you jealous? Can you differentiate between making love and having sex?""Can you commit to being able to stop in the middle of whatever you are doing to rescue your partner from a sticky situation?") Could finding these answers in yourself reveal the true nature of love?

Once when a reporter asked Hawking the hardest question of all: How should people live their lives?
Hawking's response was that "we should seek the greatest value of our actions." Could he have been referring to an orgy fest in the Blue Room?

The blue room is where things really go down. (Clubfa.com)
The blue room is where things really go down. (Clubfa.com)


Probably not. But the club does offer advice on what Hawking has called his greatest mystery: women.

Under "Club rules" is this firm warning for male members: "the dress attire of some men has become more casual than we would like-- "T" shirts and flip flops do not have any sex appeal."

It's not exactly the theory of time, but it's not wrong.

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