Sex advice review: "tips to better sex and sleep"

Em and Lo
Getty Images
Getty Images


The Huffington Post recently ran ten tips to better sex and sleep (in two installments) as part of Sophie Keller's "How Happy Is Your Home" series. Despite its earnest, new age-y, feng-shui tone which drives us nuts on principle, the advice is pretty much spot on, albeit a bit obvious: Keep your bedroom "simple, peaceful and uncluttered," don't have pictures of your in-laws around your bed, and make sure you can see the door easily from the bed--"hello intruders!" (our wording).

She also recommends putting a plant or fresh flowers in your room to keep your love blossoming, but fails to mention that if your thumb is about as green as Bush's energy policy, then having a rotting, dying plant in your love haven could undo all that good symbolism. She recommends making sure the head of your bed is against the wall to make you feel secure so you get a good night's sleep--there's no mention of how a bed smack dab in the middle of the room makes you an egotistical, self-centered loser with a prince/ess complex who should be sleeping in Cinderella or Superman Underoos. There's also talk of how the back right-hand corner of the house should be where your bedroom is, and how the back right-hand corner of each room is the "relationship area" of that room; we'd also say that each house should have a jacuzzi to optimize relaxation energy, an indoor swimming lap pool to invigorate your home with water's life-giving properties, a pony in your back stable to nurture your inner child, and a sex dungeon to keep your darker fantasies separate from where you ----- and eat--but hey, not everyone can be so lucky.

Mostly, we just feel the piece left out some important basic tips to help in the sex department of your bedroom:

  • Invest in sheets with a decent thread count--there's nothing sexy about your bare skin against the equivalent of burlap.

  • Make sure your bed gives you both proper support, because if you've got a bad back, you're not going to feel much like pelvic thrusting.

  • Get rid of the bright overheads and decorate with some soft, flattering, low lights in various corners--even better if you put them all on dimmers.

  • Don't put one side of your bed against a wall--that's for kiddies and college students.

  • And the bedside tables that Keller recommends on either side of the bed should definitely have drawers so you can discreetly have lube, condoms, and sex toys within arm's reach.

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