Sexting 101
By Kimberly Dawn Neumann
How to send a titillating text without getting caught with your digits showing.
1. Sexting 101
When it comes to "sexting," there is a fine line between fun and filthy, phone-play and phone porn. Done right, however, sexting between two consenting adults can be great foreplay. A press of a button or a stroke of a touchpad and you get instant sexual tension (which will hopefully lead to other kinds of touching later on).
It "can definitely spice up your sex life," says "Texpert" Shawn Marie Edginton, author of Read Between the Lines: A Humorous Guide to Texting with Simplicity and Style. "A good sext is worth a thousand words… without all the talking."
Just use common sense (especially if running for political office) and let the fun begin!
Only sext those with whom you share a committed, trusting, adult relationship. "Otherwise bad breakups can leave your 'personals' exposed for everyone to see on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, etc…," warns Edginton. "Inappropriate correspondence between the two parties seems to always make its way into the wrong hands."
In other words, it may seem like harmless fun but do not sext your boss, a one-night stand, a guy with a wife or girlfriend or anyone who isn't really yours or available to you.
2. Erase Sexts Regularly
You don't know panic until the day you lose your phone and realize that you had an entire gallery of sexts and racy photos on there. Make it a habit to routinely clean up your cell (it's sort of the equivalent of washing your mouth out with soap). If you don't want to lose some sexts because they turn you on, forward them to yourself via email and keep them in a locked or hidden file/document on your personal computer for future viewing.
3. Keep It Personal
This one may also seem obvious but it's worth repeating. "Your company owns the content and has the right to review what's been sent using company property," says Edginton. So unless you want your boss knowing your sexual fantasies, it's best to keep your sexting limited to your own private cell. . Also, "If you don't want bystanders to get an eyeful, change your phone settings so you don't accidentally expose more than you want to!" warns Edgington. Disable automatic pop-ups or "previews" of texts on your personal phones anytime you're in a sexting relationship.
4. Check the Number
"Double check to make sure you're sending your message to the correct recipient," says Edginton. "Nothing worse than sending a sext to a coworker by accident." Or your mom…
5. Test the Water
If you sext something too hot, too fast... you might get tech burned. If you're thinking of diving into the sexting realm, a simple "Hey! So, what are you wearing?" or "Hey good lookin' -- I'm sitting here thinking about how hot you make me" can indicate your intentions subtly and save you from embarrassment (i.e. if he doesn't respond in kind, you can always pass it off as a joke).
6. Be a Lady
Sexting can be a fun way to push the envelope a bit with your relationship, but if you cross the line into gross, there is no pretending that it was auto-fill's fault! "Sending sleazy or obscene texts will only leave you lonely and sextually frustrated," says Edgington. "No one appreciates receiving messages that are raunchy or disgusting."
7. Time It
If you want to turn him on, don't send your sext when you know he'll be preoccupied (i.e. while he's out with the guys at a baseball game -- he'll either think you're acting desperate or share it with his posse…neither of which you want). Really hot times to sext? How about at a party when you know you can't really sneak away. You can drive him crazy by sending him hot messages about what you're thinking (i.e. "Your ass looks so hot in those pants I want to rip them off and have my way with you"), what you plan to do to him later (i.e. "As soon as we get out of here, I'm going to lick your neck and who knows what else in the cab home"), or what you'd like him to do to you (i.e. "I am quivering at the thought of you touching me in naughty places later"). Remember, this is about building sexual tension…and timing is everything.
8. Use Innuendo
Part of the thrill of sexting is the buildup. But even that should be in good taste. In other words, think more "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" and not "I'd like to dip you in cheese whiz and spread you on my cracker."
9. Be Mysterious
"Fun with the camera phone" is great (especially since men are visual creatures). But if you're snapping sexy pics, do yourself a favor and eliminate your face in images that include nudity. "This might be how Brett Favre doesn't get caught with his pants down," says Edgington. "Plus, you don't have to take it all off- be sexy and leave them guessing."
10. Let Him Know He Turns You On
Guys want to know you're hot for them. Try a simple "Thoughts of being naked again with you as soon as possible are seriously making me nuts over here" or "I just don't know what you do to me and my body, but I like it and I want more... immediately." Showing off a little bit of your vixen will definitely get his creative juices flowing.
11. Practice
Sexting is an art. And the more you do it, the better you'll get at it (just like sex itself…practice helps the two of you find your rhythm). Try reading some passages from romance novels and rewording them in ways that tell your guy what you'd like to have done to you. This form of play-giarism is totally fine.
12. Get It On!
Sexting is a tool to use in addition to -- not in place of -- an in-person relationship "Watch the warning signs that you may be sliding into an unhealthy relationship with technology," says Edgington, which include sexting 24/7 and ignoring the face-to-face relationship or sexting that interferes with work and other commitments. Keep communication balanced.
"Remember, communication is almost always better when it's face-to-face or by telephone where you can hear the tone and pick up the vibration of what this person is feeling towards you," says Edgington. In other words, sexting is supposed to be the warm-up... for the fun things yet to come in person!
13. Initiate At a loss of where to begin?
Try these naughty touchpad strokes and you'll find yourself in a sexting frenzy:
"I had to get out a 'toy' last night thinking about you. Bet you would have liked to watch." (Men love the idea of a woman pleasuring herself…especially while thinking about them).
"I went to Victoria's Secret today. Wouldn't you love to know what I bought?" (Of course he would).
"I seem to be having a problem getting out of my bra. You are really good at unhooking it…any suggestions?" (Men want to think they possess skills and also like the idea of you being in a state of partial dress while texting them).
"Wow, it's so cold in here... my _______ are so hard. Could you find a way to beam here pronto and warm me up?" (Teasing is good. So is letting a guy know you're aroused).
"You know, you are trouble. I'm not usually this naughty." (Men want to think they possess some special sexual power over you that no other man has ever had. Be ready to back this one up with naughty thoughts).
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