Shake Up Your Sex Life

Deborah Jian Lee, SELF magazine

Let's talk. A SELF poll finds close to half of you worry that other women are having more (and hotter) sex. In reality, 83 percent aren't even getting crazy on the regular. So ditch your sexual FOMO and try a few new tricks. Up for a fun, sexy challenge?

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Have "menu" sex. Only 12 percent of you have sex every day. But you should try it! The more times you get it on, the better it gets. SELF's mission for you: Do it daily for a week, planning romps like a menu. "A good diet has more than one food group, and your sex life should be well-rounded, too," says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. "Have intimate action one time; fantasy sex the next; the wild, stress-relieving kind after that." The spree will start racy thoughts racing more often, pumping you up to do it. A lot.

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Embrace the blindfold. Fewer than a sixth of you are constantly experimenting with crazy stuff in bed. A mere three times this month, we dare you to toss in a new move or piece of gear. (See the bottom of this page for some surprisingly elegant accoutrements that you can win at Self.com.) Shaking things up increases your arousal, but balance is key: Making yourself go for kinky all the time could leave you feeling creatively pressured, which isn't conducive to enjoying the grand finale, Kerner says. So try out the feather teaser or the cuffs, but then ease back into your comfort zone. You'll feel aroused and relaxed-a combustible mix.

Kick your guy out of bed. Truth talk: Two thirds of you say that the deed doesn't always result in orgasm. So if you're relying on that action alone, it probably isn't going to happen. Here's what you can do to guarantee some oh-my results: When you're alone, take matters into your own hands. Later, lead your partner down the path that worked best. We swear on the Kama Sutra he'll be happy to comply if it means bliss for both of you.

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Talk sexy. Only 34 percent of you feel totally satisfied with your sex life. Bummer. The first step to satisfaction is to not just go through the motions but figure out what it is you're craving. Not quite sure what that is? We urge you to share. Dish with your girlfriends about recent bedroom adventures, and discover new ideas the girls are doing. But make sure to focus on your own desires, not on comparing your experiences with those of your buds.

Seduce him. Chances are, most of the time the same person is taking the initiative when it comes to sex. (Always you or always your dude.) But to keep the excitement buzzing, switch things up. Tend to be the follower? Ambush him when he least expects it. Are you the ringleader? Step back-and if he's not immediately inclined to get things started, don't feel bad. "Men can experience low desire, too. It's a cliché that men are always ready for sex," Kerner says. So drop a hint-light some candles; don some lacy lingerie. He'll get it. And so will you. Wink, wink.


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